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STRESS AIN’T ALL THAT BAD

STRESS AIN’T ALL THAT BAD

By Sandye Linnetz

Most discussions of STRESS generally focus on its negative side. Yes, ‘bad’ stress (aka distress) can be at the root, the cause, of so many problems, but there are other degrees and types of STRESS, too. The question is not “Do you have STRESS”, because the answer will always be “YES” if you are alive. It is, instead, “What kind of STRESS do you have”? (And in a future blog the question will be: How do I manage my stress?)

Physical Stress (head aches, adrenalin rush, indigestion, insomnia – lots of sick days, high energy, quick movement, sudden strength)

Social Stress (feels like all you do is work and sleep, excitement, find yourself withdrawing, the thrill of ‘wowing’ the crowd)

Cerebral Stress (feel brain dead, come to work and can’t even get started, unexplainable brilliance)

Emotional Stress (clinical depression, endorphin release, adrenalin rush, love, addictions – might be shopping or coffee, elation)

Spiritual Stress (joy, feeling of helplessness – want BIG changes, rapture)

So STRESS isn’t really a totally bad thing, then? No… not all stress…

Good stress (aka eustress) is manifest as drive, energy or excitement. It’s what makes you want to get up in the morning and get started on your day. Good stress is what you feel when you are standing at the top of the mountain ready to ski down, when you are about to make a presentation or when you are defending a co- worker. Good stress gave the firefighters at the World Trade Center the energy they needed to rescue people. Good stress gives us the adrenaline boost we need to jump out of the way of the car that ran a red light and is speeding toward us. Other examples of good stress might include physical exercise, mental challenges, emotional elation or spiritual fulfillment. Many or most of the activities that we enjoy, place us under pressure; so, we are technically under stress while performing them. The difference is that we are wholeheartedly – and consciously – choosing these pressures. There is no conflict within – we enjoy the experience of good stress.

We embrace these kinds of pressures and stimulation. Without good stress, we grow complacent, indifferent or simply bored, but with good stress we are constantly growing – we feel truly alive!

In order to know joy, we must feel stress. I experienced joyful stress when my daughter announced she was pregnant… and again when I saw my grandchild for the first time. Think of the best times you’ve ever had; your heart beats wildly, your emotions surge (your adrenalin is definitely flowing) but because it’s a pleasant reaction, we don’t generally label it as a stress reaction. Yet it is. When you go to watch your favorite hockey team play, the adrenalin flows. And depending on which team scores, you experience joy or disappointment. Either way, your arousal rate is very high, your system is pumping out chemicals. You are being STIMULATED! Thank you, stress.

Good stress is the excitement you feel on Christmas morning, or when you see your child perform in a concert, or you get a call unexpectedly from a dear friend, or you smell cookies baking, or you win at bingo, or you hear a golden oldie on the radio that fills you with cherished memories. (Sometimes good stress is good sex, too!) These are all positive healing stresses.

At work you experience positive stress when you are about to deliver a presentation, find out you are getting a raise or promotion with new responsibility, solve a problem, move to a new office, get a new assignment, meet a new co-worker, receive praise, know you did a good job and as you wait for acknowledgement.

We all need a degree of stress to get up in the morning; it is critical to feeling motivated and interested in getting on with your life. And beyond that, and the real reason that we’d never want to be ‘un-stressed’, is that stress has us jump out of the way when we are about to collide with a car or falling object; when we are in danger and that fight or flight thing kicks in. Don’t poo poo it, celebrate it! Stress can do a body good!

Ride The Horse In The Direction It’s Going

RIDE THE HORSE IN THE DIRECTION IT’S GOING

By Sandye Linnetz

In life, we have ‘beliefs’… lots of beliefs. It’s all that stuff we absolutely ‘know’ is true – about life, love, business, spirituality, exercise, learning and even oatmeal!

“Making money is good” “the toilet paper should come OVER the roll” “nice guys finish last” “money doesn’t grow on trees” “Hard work pays off” “It’s better to be busy than bored” “the road to success is filled with potholes” “OATMEAL MUST BE HOT” “If it feels like work you’re in the wrong business” “I am boring” “Those people are boring” “WORK ISN’T FUN” “THIS IS GOING TO TAKE A LONG TIME” “there aren’t enough hours in the day” “some things just can’t be done” “I’m not smart enough” “Money is the Possibility of Freedom” “Time is the most valuable commodity I have” “I’ll never be able to do that” “I can do anything I put my mind to” (You have millions of your own, don’t you?)

What do you BELIEVE about life – and yours in particular? Pretend that you have to give a speech to 12th graders about what it’s like to be in you. What would you tell them? This is a great way to get clear about where you are and what you believe about what you do. How do your “beliefs” match your current reality?

Think about this: The way it is now is the lowest common denominator between what you want and what you are willing to accept. Okay, reread that line until you really ‘get’ it. (And ask yourself, “What am I ‘putting up with’ that isn’t really what I want?”)

Perhaps it’s time for you to raise the bar. When I do this little personal inventory I start by taking a look at the way it IS; no judgments, no interpretations – just an honest look at my life. How often am I joyful? Stressed? Anxious? Fearful? Calm? Frenetic? Do I have enough money to feel comfortable? To share? What people are around me? Are they raising me up? Bringing me down? How much sleep am I getting? Are my teeth white? How’s my weight? Is my office clean and organized? I resist nothing, I just notice.

Now, I get to design a new outcome. What do I actually want my reality to look like? What’s the dream; the perfect world scenario? When I’m not really sure, I make it up… Time for me to make a new plan to step into that future. This is when I take a good look at what it would take for me to do that. I go to bed an hour earlier. I enroll one more client. I call that friend I haven’t seen in a while – the one who makes me laugh. What I do is TAKE ACTION. I MAKE IT HAPPEN.

Are you ready for YOUR new reality? What would you have to do and who would you have to be in order for that reality to be yours? Step into it… take the steps (baby steps at first, maybe) to have it… and own it.

What will it take to get to the next step toward your measure of success? Be creative in your thinking. Brainstorm with people who are already there – or have been there. Drop the “what ifs” and step up to the ‘HOW’ plate. Take a swing at “how to get to where you want to be”. (According to the California Lottery, “You can’t win if you don’t play”!)

The truth (or, ‘a’ truth): What you resist will persist. When you allow things to ‘be’ just the way they are, you can create miracles for yourself. Ride the horse in the direction it’s going and you’ll end up in the control of the reins. (And enjoy the ride)!

Ah – the Power of Gratitude

Gratitude: Just Say Thanks!

By Sandye Linnetz

Can you see the holiness in those things you take for granted – a paved road or a washing machine? If you concentrate on finding what is “good” in every situation, you will discover that your life will suddenly be filled with gratitude, a feeling that nurtures the soul.

~RABBI HAROLD KUSHNER

It felt like I had nothing to be grateful for… At the age of 58 I was ready to retire and be a tennis playing, volunteering, lunch-with-the-ladies, stay-at-home wife. Then, within the course of only 18 months, I left the business I had loved, my husband of almost 20 years decided he wanted “out”, my dear father died, I had surgery on my knee, a 28 lb. box of books dropped on my face and a car accident that sent me into 8 months of rehab.

Then I read some books on gratitude. You can imagine how well that went over with me. It’s one thing to say “thank-you” for the good stuff in life – how was I going to be grateful for my current situation? I didn’t feel grateful for any of it! I didn’t deserve to have my wonderful life turned completely upside-down. None of it was fair!

The instructions were simple. Find a quiet place to sit. Close your eyes. Think of 10 things to be grateful for that would not have been possible without the circumstances that you have defined as “bad”.

It was after 10pm… dark, but a magnificent star-filled summer night, so I decided to do this exercise on the patio. I sat there for what felt like hours and came up with nothing. Really, what good has come out of any of this? Then #1 hit me… like a ton of bricks; if I hadn’t sold my company and my husband had not left, I would not have been able to spend all that wonderful, quality time with my father before he died. Didn’t go over there much with my husband. Went there a lot on my own. I got to be complete with my dad.

And, if I hadn’t had the knee surgery there’d be no possibility of ever playing tennis again. I love tennis. This was getting easier. I wouldn’t have been surrounded with so much love from my girlfriends (and I never really liked that whole scene before). I got my relationship back with my kid brother (who was persona non gratis with my ex). There was plenty of time for me to be with my mom and support her through her loss. I wouldn’t have been able to have grilled onions in my food (He hated onions). I wouldn’t have joined the botanical gardens or realized how happy I felt walking through them…

By the time I got to #45 I was laughing through my tears. What a shift! The more I found to be grateful for… the more I found to be grateful for!

Some people grumble because roses have thorns; I am thankful that

the thorns have roses.

~Alphonse Karr

Gratitude is infinitely more dependent on your attitude than on your circumstances. What occurs is insignificant compared to how you hold the occurrence – what you make it mean and how you judge it.

Be willing to let go of your judgments and experiment with shifting your point of view. There is always another way to look at any given situation. You are responsible for the way it is – not guilty for whatever happened – and you (your words and your actions) are actually at the source of your life. That’s powerful stuff. Exercise the “muscle” that has you look for the blessing within the crisis. Don’t stop looking – there is something to be grateful for in any situation. That’s the way it is. .

Life is like a jigsaw puzzle… except we can’t look at the picture on the box

to see that it will all fit together.

~Sandye Linnetz

Just How Awful Is Your Life?

By Sandye Linnetz

What do you say to someone who constantly moans and groans and is all about everything that’s missing and crappy in his/her life? Sure, if it’s an ‘acquaintance’ you can probably tune it out and ignore it, but what if it’s a family member or an old friend who you are unwilling to simply ‘disappear’ from your life? Annoying, isn’t it? It’s easy to simply cut the negative people out of your life – and that may be the best choice, but I’m a sucker for the opportunity to empower people to turn it around! So, when you want to empower someone to see life from another perspective, What do you say? What do you do?

I, personally, love to start with sarcasm (it’s my ‘go to’ attitude with family and close friends)… Sarcasm, which, I admit, can be undeniably offensive, pretty much forces someone into ‘defend’ mode and that’s right where I want them. (Remember, we’re talking about habitual complainers not someone with a serious and immediate issue!)

I say, make those glass half empty, doomsday spouting, pessimists defend the junk that they’re putting out. Never mind that they usually can’t defend their position without sounding so nutso that even they finally see it; throwing their stuff right back at them literally puts their nose into their own shit! At some point all of their whiney rants and moans sound ridiculous even to them! Yes, I do START with sarcasm, but I almost immediately follow up with a possibility and an alternative way to look at things:

Me: “Are you looking for more evidence to prove that you’re right about how shitty your life is? No problem. Based on all that stuff, your life really stinks. I am happy to help you assemble the boatloads of evidence – it’s everywhere! Let’s look really hard and find more! It’s so obvious that your life absolutely sucks! You’re a giant sucky magnet. If it’s true that you get more of what you focus on, WOW are you focused on sittin’ right in the middle of a dung heap! The view is hellish from down there, huh?”

AND THEN THE RE-FRAME – POSSIBILTY!

“Personally, my life doesn’t always fit my pictures of what I ‘expected’, either, so I know how you feel. The stuff life can throw at me, the curve balls, sometimes rock me to my shoes… if I let it. What works for me is that I choose JOY and focus on that instead of the circumstances! I’d rather dwell on all that I HAVE and be wildly grateful, instead of dwelling on what’s missing from my life and making it even worse. And, it’s funny how the what’s missing part disappears in the abundance.”

Yes, I am a full cup gal. It works…

Questions? Oh, Yes, I Have Questions!

by Sandye Linnetz

I love questions. Questions can be so powerful; especially those that lead to more questions. We potentially move beyond what we know, past presumption, past black and white, past our point of view and into the realm of possibility, the unknown and even into that stuff we didn’t know that we didn’t know! Questions move us to look inside, explore, weigh, ponder and search past assumptions. Clarity and understanding are potential fallout . The value of questioning as a step just before action enhances our ability to choose, justify and move. The questions you ask are powerful tools for growth… yours and everyone else who hears them!

There is an ancient parable about a young student who, to prove his worthiness as a spiritual master, was instructed by his teacher to move a large boulder from one location to another – by sunrise. He was instructed to use all of his power to accomplish this feat. He pushed as hard as he could but the boulder didn’t budge. He was exhausted and felt doomed to failure. The teacher came by just before sunrise and, seeing that the boulder had barely been moved, suggested that the student might make better use of his power with the aid of a tool. The student took the teacher’s suggestion; ran for a strong board and began to slowly move the rock. But he was running out of time and could see that this wasn’t going to work either. He threw himself to the ground in despair.

The master came by again and quietly asked, “Have you used ALL of your power”?

“Yes”, replied the young man, “and I am physically and spiritually exhausted! I have no power left.”

“Not so,” said the Master, “you have more power. You have not asked for my help. You have the power to do that. I told you to use ALL of your power.”

The student was humbled as he asked for the wise teacher’s help.

“Yes, I will gladly help you,” said the master as he called to his other students to join them. Together, they quickly moved the rock to the new location.

Sometimes our power comes from those around us. Sometimes we simply need to ASK.

Just ASK

By Sandye Linnetz

The Beatles said it so well, “If you want it, here it is. Come and get it”! That seems easy enough, doesn’t it? So, if it’s that easy why don’t we always have everything that we say we want?

According to “The Secret” you can have anything if you focus on it and picture having it. That sounds easy. It just doesn’t sound very logical. Sorry, I’m just not feeling, it…

I can’t help thinking that there must be a missing step. Think it and it happens seems waaaay to simplified. Along with focusing on something, I believe in taking ACTION. Isn’t there something that, if done would ‘grease the wheels’ and set us up to get what we say we want? BINGO! Focus AND Action. Here’s the real ‘secret’ as I see it…

It is so obvious that most of us don’t take advantage of the simplest tool we have available to us. That simple tool? Our ability to ASK! Get clear about what you want – be sure it’s what you want and then ASK for it. So many times we forget to do that. It really is so simple and yet we silly humans overthink and underact. Often, our fear of getting turned down (or some other story we made up about putting ourselves ‘out there’) stops us. We forget to do it, don’t feel like we ‘should’ do it – or we are admittedly afraid to do it. It’s just moving lips and pushing air…

Sometimes we don’t ask because we think ‘they’ should know what we want. Or, we don’t ask because, to us, it’s so obvious. (How many men have ‘gone down’ for not knowing what was on ‘her’ mind?) So, we silently think it and wait to see if they do it, give it or say it. Really? Mindreading? Seems ridiculous to expect that others can read our minds when they can barely make out what it is that we want when we actually tell them. I mean, really, do you read minds? It is ridiculous – illogical and very unlikely… and, oops, we’ve all done it.

Yes, there is a way to get what you want in life, and it’s the same personally or professionally. Do you want a favor? An answer? More ice cream? A kiss? That job? The sale? Some help? More money? Time off? … ASK for it!

Determine what you want. Define it. Design it. Then ask for it. Ask a friend, a relative, a stranger, a lover, an associate, a client, a mentor or the universe, but ASK.

Be willing to make some bold and outrageous requests. (oh, and be SPECIFIC)

WHAT AM I SAYING WHEN I SAY ‘YES’?

by Sandye Linnetz

YES is a mighty powerful word… are you mindful when you use it? According to the dictionary it is an affirmative response that “gives agreement”. YES is a decision and a choice. Are you choosing carefully and with consideration when you make that commitment? And let’s be clear, YES is a commitment.

You’ve probably heard that when you say YES to something you are, simultaneously, saying NO to something else. It’s that front of the hand/back of the hand kind of thing – you can’t have one without the other. A YES to yourself may include a NO to putting others first. A YES to others may include putting yourself on the back burner. YES is a choice and the choice is yours!

Saying YES to what you want – your desired outcome in any area of your life – is likely a NO to the way it is and the way it was. Your commitment – your YES – to success or joy or excellence is a resounding NO to the people, situations, activities and thoughts that currently leave you feeling stressed, upset, confused, disillusioned or distraught.

A YES to over-committing yourself may be a NO to doing your best; it’s certainly a YES to stress. A YES to organization is a NO to clutter and chaos. In business, a YES to profitability is a NO to working by the seat of your pants.

Years ago I starred in a community theater production of 70 Girls 70 (by John Kander and Fred Ebb). One of my favorite songs was “Yes”- Liza Minnelli sang it on “Liza with a Z” before I did it. It was a joy to sing. Here’s an excerpt:

Say “Yes.”
Life keeps happening every day,
Say “Yes.”
When possibilities come your way,
You can’t start wondering what to say

Don’t say “Why,”
Say “Why not?”
What lies beyond what is,
Is not.
So what?
Say “Yes.”

So I suggest that you say YES to what excites you… to those things or people in life you hold precious – and start with saying YES to yourself.

RIDE THE HORSE IN THE DIRECTION IT’S GOING

By Sandye Linnetz

In life, we have ‘beliefs’… lots of beliefs. It’s all that stuff we absolutely ‘know’ is true – about life, love, business, spirituality, exercise, learning and even oatmeal!

“Making money is good” “the toilet paper should come OVER the roll” “nice guys finish last” “money doesn’t grow on trees” “Hard work pays off” “It’s better to be busy than bored” “the road to success is filled with potholes” “If it feels like work you’re in the wrong business” “I am boring” “Those people are boring” “WORK ISN’T FUN” “THIS IS GOING TO TAKE A LONG TIME” “there aren’t enough hours in the day” “some things just can’t be done” “I’m not smart enough” “Money is the Possibility of Freedom” “Time is the most valuable commodity I have” “I’ll never be able to do that” “I can do anything I put my mind to” (You have millions of your own, don’t you?)

Think about this: The way it is now is the lowest common denominator between what you want and what you are willing to accept. Okay, reread that line until you really ‘get’ it.

Perhaps it’s time for you to raise the bar. First, see your reality as it is – no judgments, no interpretations – just let it be; accept your reality as it is. Don’t resist it, that doesn’t work. Notice it. Notice everything about it!

Now, design a new outcome. What do you want your reality to look like? What’s the dream; the perfect world scenario? Not really sure? Make it up. Your call…

Are you ready for that new reality? What would you have to do and who would you have to be in order for that reality to be yours? Step into it… take the steps (baby steps at first, maybe) to have it… and own it.

What Do I Say? What Do I Do? – WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

I’M IN!

Why this blog? What do I mean by writing it? Well, this is my way to get in communication with you… to engage with you in a way that makes a real practical and spiritual difference in our lives. This is where we open a conversation of possibility, one that inspires you! And, when you ‘invite’ me to do so, I will joyfully (and gratefully) light a fire under you and MOVE YOU TO ACTION! I’ll light the fire… YOU take the action!

Yes, you read that correctly… I will GRATEFULLY be your catalyst for mastery, excellence and joy! That’s my passion; having the opportunity to empower you to be, do and have everything for your greatest good! You get your choice of miracles (which makes me smile inside and out). And, for giving me the gift of passion and possibility, I thank you in advance. Truly. You are about to make a huge difference in MY life – as I will in yours.

How do I do that? (Seriously, do you really care as long as I deliver?) Ok, I’ll tell you…

I have one proverbial foot in the practical ‘real’ world and one in the spiritual ‘woo woo’ world. I am bilingual! So, as I take you on a “MAGICAL MYSTERY TOUR” (thank you Beatles!!!) of questions, processes, ideas and more, I will be reminding you of who your really are and what you already knew…

That’s my job. Your job is to participate – fully, here and with those around you. Sometimes you’ll have a question. Sometimes you’ll be engaged in someone else’s inquiry. Play full out – that’s how the game is won!

WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR?

a message from Sandye Linnetz

I have always hated waiting. I’m the quick and impatient type, always moving, doing – in action. I was never very good at waiting. What a waste of my precious, limited time! How unproductive! How boring!

You know what I’m talking about. Waiting for the train to pass or the light to change… You have place a to go and people to see! Waiting in line at the store… You have far more important things to do! Waiting for your appointment when you got there on time! Being left on hold when you have an important question… or answer… or problem. Waiting for that repair person to show up or the mail or that phone call can be hell on earth! Some of you might even have issues with waiting for a slow speaker to finish a sentence or for the other person to ‘get the concept’.

And then there are the BIG waits: Did I get the job? Where’s the acceptance letter? What are the test results? Is it a boy or a girl? When will THIS be over?

Whoa. Hold on there. WAIT a minute! (oops, sorry ‘bout that) Perhaps we would all benefit from a little ‘waiting coaching’. If we could train ourselves to wait – and wait patiently – maybe we would even (dare I say it?) learn to enjoy waiting.

Ready for a shift? Think of yourself as a student who’s been working hard on long division all period long. And envision waiting as recess time. Remember the thrill of the recess bell? We all loved recess, didn’t we? It’s time to go back to those glorious days and relish the break – take charge of it and make waiting your play time.

Decide how you will use your time; will you use it to BE or as a time to DO? Using your time management skills you could do some strategic planning. Make lists. Make that phone call or write that email. On a more cerebral level: meditate, pray, really look around – wherever you are – and appreciate what is.

It’s all about ‘reframing’ what is… reframe the annoying wait so that it becomes an opportunity to…

Make the shift from annoyance to relaxation and get good at waiting.

Thought for the day: If you are waiting for a change… stop waiting! Go all Nike on it. Just do it.