What Do I Say? What Do I Do?


$UBCON$CIOUS $ELF-$ABOTAGE – Money! 1

Self Sabotage

Unlock your money magnet!

When I was a teenager, living in an upper middle community, I looked around and (mostly unconsciously) judged the people around me who had lots of money. There were lots of ‘them’ to observe and, after deciding that my family was on the poor side, I made a slew of decisions about rich people. It wasn’t conscious, but it was pretty ugly and the rich folks didn’t fare well with me at all.

People – well, kids, with lots of money, I decided, were catty, popular and phony. As a group they were self-centered and self-important, unbalanced, unspiritual (but went to church to be social), wasteful, never satisfied, stuck-up, good looking (with great taste in clothes) and lucky… very, very lucky. I saw their parents – when I bothered to even give them a thought, as absent, cold, busy, powerful, snobby, and cruel to those who weren’t rich. And that was just the start of what I determined! I also ‘learned’ that men controlled the money, women overspent the money and that there was a finite amount of money – and these people were hogging it! That was my story and for me it was real.

As I moved out of the early chapters of my life, making the next level of my decisions – far more ‘adult’ decisions about people who had lots of money – I decided that people who did things with the intent to make a lot of money:

  • Didn’t do things that ‘made a difference on the planet’ (Which was fine with me because ‘everyone knows’ that teaching will never make you rich and ‘doing good’ wasn’t lucrative.)
  • Were never satisfied with what they did make. (Enter the workaholics.)
  • Were always afraid of losing what they had.
  • Were afraid of failing.

So I didn’t set out to make LOTS of money, I simply followed my passions and had FUN. It was working. At one point, years ago when the dollar was worth a lot more, I earned $500 every 15 minutes!

That was then…  Years later, my ‘abundance’ began to disappear. What??? I decided that I needed a minimum of $2M (in savings and assets) to support my ‘golden years’. Desperation set in (dangerous stuff). Why wasn’t the money coming in? This wasn’t fun anymore.

And, that’s when I started to became CONSCIOUS about my relationship with money. It was going to take lots of money to get everything I wanted and needed. How was I going to make that happen? And, what was blocking me now? It was so easy in the past.

The BIG AHA MOMENT: My life was no longer about the passion and FUN; it was all about making lots of money. I was so attached to that end result that my happiness and self-worth had become dependent on it. My inner peace and balance were attached to having something ‘happen’ instead of being present and enjoying the NOW. The first step to creating change is awareness, right? Questions followed…

Who would I have to BE to have it all? Why would my unconscious mind – there to protect me – let me become one of ‘those’ people? Simple answer, it wouldn’t! My subconscious mind stealthily reminded me that I didn’t actually like rich people; that I said I didn’t want to be like them. I said I want to have $2M and a comfortable monthly income that allows me to live and give in abundance. Rich people have that – and more. But, at some level, I didn’t want to be a rich person! My subconscious mind was sabotaging my moneymaking efforts based on how negatively I’d judged high earners. My silly subconscious was actually protecting me… from me!

My beliefs weren’t necessarily bad or wrong, they were just… mine; appropriate and realistic at the time I formed them. They were partially true, but incomplete and simplified.

Now that I have brought my old beliefs about money up to the conscious level, I can move out of my old pattern of unconsciously following them—even (and especially) when they’re not working—and create a whole new, healthier, passionate and FUN relationship with money. Old $ubcon$ciou$ belief$… you’re not welcome in my new world!

 


Use Clarity to Get What You Want – When They’re Not Getting It. What Do I Say, What Do I Do?

You get what they think they heard

The value of clarity in communication

It’s possible that, all by itself, the title of this blog could eliminate the need for the entire blog. Read it again. The title actually spells out two of the most powerful and effective tools for getting THEM to get YOU: Communication (clarity) and Action!

That was NOT a spoiler alert. I simply told you what I was going to tell you ‘cuz that’s good communication. When I truly care about having someone accurately and fully receive my communication which, I must admit, is most of the time, I tell them what I’m going to tell them. Then I tell ‘em. And finally I tell them what I told them.

Okay, it’s possible that, by following this formula, you could over-talk a topic to its early demise, I’ll give you that… but when I want to get a point across or it’s important for me to have someone do something by a certain time or in a particular way, this works. Whether I’m coaching, teaching, training – or making an important request – I do all this PLUS I add another vital step. I have the listener repeat back what they heard.

I didn’t always follow this formula… and I didn’t always get the results I wanted, either. When I had my event and party business it was not unusual for me to say, “Somebody grab some tools, please (politeness was one of my boss-virtues)”.  And then, when a fully stocked toolbox didn’t show up on the job and I didn’t have my desperately needed scissors, wrench or clips, guess who was stressed and furious…  but where could I point that fury? Who was supposed to grab the toolbox? Right, I had assigned the job to “Somebody”. Where the heck was “Somebody” and why didn’t she do what I asked her to do?

Doesn’t the problem, my mega-mistake, seem so obvious to you? You can clearly see that assigning the task to a specific person, not making a general, non-specific public request/announcement, would have made a huge difference to my end result, can’t you? Because it was me and my screw up – and you’re listening to this story in retrospect, it’s easy to identify the error of my ways. Much easier than it might have been to actually get it right in the first place. At this moment, it’s easy to see that I didn’t actually assign the task to anyone – though I didn’t realize that at the time. And, yet, I was surprised when what I wanted and needed didn’t get done and upset when there was no one to hold accountable… except me!

Now, don’t be feeling all superior and stuff. I’m not the only one here who’s ever been vague, unspecific or incomplete with my requests, directions or instructions, am I? Come on, I know there have been times when the recipe didn’t come out quite right because you forgot to tell them about that one important ingredient or you didn’t show up for something because you misheard the time.

Life is a game of telephone. It’s only by being clear and specific and repeating back what we heard that we can even begin to expect the results we’re after. So often we give only partial instruction or explanation and expect people to get the whole story by mind reading… Newsflash: THEY WON’T because they CAN’T!

And then there’s ACTION! That’s the follow through; the accountability. Where you are ultimately responsible for the outcome it’s to your advantage to make sure that you do everything possible to make sure that the outcome is favorable. My taking action started by writing out a check list and assigning one person to see that we never left on a job without having everything we needed.  (And there was always a compliment for a job well done!)

When you use full and complete communication to ask for what you want and then actively follow it up with some checks and balances, you do get what you want and need. Communication and Action… two tools that belong in every personal toolbox!

 

 


Finding JOY in My Demons

Inner Demons

I’m on a Journey to Joy (depression begone!), and I had an ‘aha’ today. It’s time for me to make friends with my demons. Not like jump ship on my joyful self, rather to include all of me in ME. I like being the happy, skippy, jumpy Sandye; the one who always finds the pony in the poop. I’ve been ‘Susie Sunshine’ for so long that it’s become my identity…  but, based on the way I’ve been feeling, there’s more to me than that. I see now that as I scoop the poop, looking for the pony, I’ve been inadvertently burying my demons.

I always say that step one is awareness. Well, I’m there. I admit it, I have a dark side and I can no longer pretend it’s not part of me. Sometimes I’m not nice – or thoughtful or even loving. Sometimes I’m scared (and scared of being scared). In the past I treated insecurity, fear – and even anger  – as an unwelcome invasion from an outside source. Now I get it. It’s part of me. And then the big question pops up: What if it’s a necessary part of me? Isn’t ignoring it being inauthentic (something I don’t want to be)?

Burying my demons (aka my fears, insecurities and dark side) only puts them out of sight, it doesn’t eliminate them. Eventually they always seem to dig their way out to terrorize me again. So I had this thought… What if I got to know them? What if I invited them out into the open? Would I find them less ‘fearsome”? Time to ‘google’ my mind and ask myself some positive, open-ended questions. What is possible if I actually embrace all of me? How can I use my demons to be the best me possible? How can I use my demons to increase my joy? Where do I start…?

As expected, reaching out for universal answers is literally deluging me with amazing (and somewhat unexpected) results! And, it’s happening at such a rapid rate that I’m feeling a bit overwhelmed right now!

Sharing my Journey to Joy with you is a powerful step in accepting who I am… in finally owning my humanity – the good, the bad, the ugly and the magnificent. If it’s true that ‘fear of falling’ has us fall (and I do believe that it does), then it follows that knowing that I could fall, but not fearing it – just being prepared for it if it does happen – is likely to keep me upright. And, if I do fall, it’s just a fall. It doesn’t have to ‘mean’ anything about me. Hmmm, that’s comforting.

So I have this dark side.  I don’t have to live there (or live in fear of living there), I don’t even have to go there (except maybe to check-in occasionally and water the plants), and if I do, I can always leave when I want to…

And, besides, I have a VERY bright ‘lite side’… I think I’ll hang out there!

 


I LOST MY JOY AND I WANT IT BACK!

Got Joy

 

With thanks to Lucinda Williams for giving me the words to describe how I’ve been feeling lately… I’m not actually depressed. I’m not suffering from anxiety. I’m just not very happy. I’m not actually enjoying my amazing life (which so deserves to be fully celebrated!). Something’s ‘off’, life doesn’t feel ‘right’ and whatever that something is, it’s taking a nasty toll on me. I miss my JOY and I want it back!

My work is getting done, but instead of it being a huge turn-on and bringing me it’s usual gallons of enormous joy, it feels routine, just what I do – along with cooking and cleaning and driving and making beds and watering plants. Now, don’t misunderstand, I love what I do – it’s my passion! I can’t imagine doing anything more fulfilling. But it used to be fun, too. And, right now, it’s not fun. It just is.

Not surprisingly, my work turned ordinary about the time I got to feeling ‘meh’.  It’s as if I’m living in a construction zone – can’t turn the way I want to turn, traffic is backed up, someone keeps stopping me when I want to go… get the picture? I’m living in a temporarily NO FUN zone!

To the average observer, I am still Susie Sunshine, bubbling with energy. Outwardly I look happy. I smile. I’m nice. I have occasional bouts of ‘that’s nice’, but inside me I feel ‘off’. Not just as in ‘off my game’, but like someone actually flipped a switch and turned me OFF! I Laughing, being silly, giggling as I uncover the hidden humor in life – that’s what’s missing. I haven’t awakened with a smile in what seems like an eternity. Food is kinda tasteless. Life feels bland, too.

I know what’s wrong. I lost my joy! I forgot the steps to my happy dance! This is so not okay with me! I lost my JOY and I want it back!

My Grandma Ida (the one with the plentiful, encompassing hugs whose dimples were so big that her face caved in when she smiled) used to have two simple methods for finding anything that was lost. Step one was to turn over a glass. That was it; just turn over a glass on the counter. Step two wasn’t much more complicated. Lift up the toilet seat and, after a non-dizzying 360 turn, spit into the toilet two times. Her system never failed me. I am a terrific finder!

As I type this out, a light is coming on inside my head (I was planning on that when I sat down to write). I think I might know where I lost my joy. I think it’s with the sleep I haven’t been getting, the water I haven’t been drinking and the healthy food I haven’t been eating! I saw a glimpse of it when I put down the car windows and turned up the volume on my 60’s music. Had a sighting when I snuggled with my grandson. Spotted it when I shared my current state of joylessness with my Mastermind Group and they suggested that I get my butt into action!

Okay, I know what to do. First I’ll turn over a glass. I’m getting my joy back!


IS YOUR GLASS ½ EMPTY OR ½ FULL? DOES IT MATTER?

Half Empty Half Full

FULL of Possibility

I’m clearly a ½ full kinda gal – ask anyone. In fact, if truth be told (and I want nothing less) I tend to see the glass as overflowing most of the time. I am a master at spinning straw into gold. Yes, I do believe that I was born with that proclivity, but there are days when I actually have to work at seeing life through those rosy glasses of mine. I see positivity as a muscle – work it and it grows!

Okay, “So what?” you ask. Well, I’ll tell ya… Scientists have proven that a positive outlook actually makes a difference in life; health, wealth and emotional well-being. Expecting good things to happen naturally leads you to taking actions that produce more positive results. Expecting bad stuff to come your way can actually keep you from doing the very things that might have minimized or avoided just that!

But the value of a positive ‘see the glass as ½  full attitude’ about life is not the whole idea behind my blog today. The real question I pose is this: You may think you have a positive outlook, but are you REALLY a ½ full person? Most of us claim to be, but that positive outlook shows up in our speaking as well as in our thoughts! What are you saying and what are you thinking? What do you notice first about the people and the world around you?

Do you start with the premise that there’s good news everywhere? Do you notice what’s present… or what’s missing? Do you wake up in the morning and celebrate another day of life or bemoan the fact that you have to wake up and get to work? When you look in the mirror do you smile and see a living, breathing person with body parts that work and the ability to see and touch and taste and feel and love? Or do you look in the mirror and notice that your youthful skin is becoming wrinkled, the thick, shiny hair is disappearing, and your high school physic is gone? Do you notice the impending rain clouds or that sliver of glorious sunshine? When you meet someone new, do you first notice what you see that attracts you or are you looking for flaws? Are you even aware of what you see and think? As usual, becoming aware is always step one…

And, when it comes to your life, are you more inclined to first notice what’s ‘missing’ (like money, love, joy, health) or do you celebrate what you have (like money, love, joy and health)? Are you on a mission to fill the holes, or are the holes just something you notice in passing and use as a guide…

Case in point: I have a client who considers himself to be a positive  ½ full guy… he told me so. Then, two minutes later he flat out said that he doesn’t consider himself successful because he “can’t even afford to buy a house”. Whaaat? (NOTE: His attention was clearly on what’s missing; not what he has.) After a few minutes of coaching and conversation he recognized the ½ emptiness of his speaking and realized that, of course he could buy a house – just not his dream house…YET! I asked him what he could afford and he began again – a roof over his head with running water and indoor toilets and an office and a little yard (he went on and on) and finally saw that what he could have right now was pretty terrific AND a step toward that dream house.

So, notice… if you claim to be a ½ full person, do you first notice what you have (i.e., count your blessings) or take stock of what’s missing in your life?

My glass is ½ full (with clean fresh water) – the other ½ is filled with possibility!


So You’re Ready to Cull the Herd… Now What?

meme cull the herd

cull the herd – NO toxic people!

Culling is very important in any herding operation because it’s how you get rid of those with inferior genetic qualities, those that are no longer productive, and those that have no value being in the herd any more. Each ‘wrangler’ has a unique set of culling standards; some more stringent than others. But in the end, all wranglers have the same ultimate objective when it comes to culling: The herd is to consist of ONLY healthy, productive, value adders .   ~Sandye Linnetz, Herd Wrangler

Why don’t we cull the herd as soon as we have the thought, “Something’s not right here – this is not working for me.”? Sure, risking the unknown can be uncomfortable – even scary, but still what keeps us stuck when deep down we know they should go? What has us hold on when it makes us unhappy and maybe even miserable? Why do we allow people to stay in our herd when they not only don’t add value, they actually take it away? Methinks that knowing the answer (which is likely to be different in each situation) will actually spur us on to action and get us to cull the herd.

Here, then, is a list of possible reasons that we stay stuck in relationships that don’t seem serve us. There’s nothing like a good old-fashioned rationalization, so get ready, for ‘excuses R us’.

First the ‘out loud’ excuses that we might share with someone who asks us the big WHY?

  • The timing is off. I can’t do it right now; but I will do it some day.
  • I’m too stressed. I have to take care of me- then I’ll handle that.
  • It might be me. Maybe I’m making too much out of this.
  • I don’t want to hurt her.
  • But he needs me.

And now the silent reasons:

But I can’t dump that client, I need the money.

She’s horrible and mean but she reminds me of my mother and that’s oddly comforting.

If I dump her I won’t get to _________________________ (fill in the blank with something like “use her pool” or “hang out with her friends”).

So, my friends, what do you want????

REASONS or RESULTS!

 

 

 

 

 


Spring Cleaning Your Relationships: Part 3 – Cull the Herd!

Relationship Issues

Bad relationship? Cull the Herd!

 

cull the herd

  1. Literally, to separate or remove (and usually kill) inferior animals out of a herd so as to reduce numbers or remove undesirable traits from the group as a whole.
  2. By extension, to separate or remove people from a larger group.

The usual blog about letting go of relationships, i.e., Culling the Herd, tells the world to dump the toxic and move on… I’m not there. There is value in every relationship – even if it’s just to learn a lesson about what we DON’T want in our lives. I’m not a hoarder, but I am a saver when it comes to friends and family. I believe in giving ‘another chance’… even if it turns out to be another chance to hurt me, ‘cuz more often than not, if I’m speaking from my heart and willing to hear what is being said to me, relationships that once had value for me… can have value again. Case in point:

I turned a guy down and, hurt and angry, he disappeared from my life for almost 40 years. He was a really close friend when we were kids and I absolutely loved him (but not ‘that’ way). Yes, we did have a long ‘break’, but when I extended the friendship flag he jumped to play! And now he’s back in my life and a really special friend again; with lots of great history.

Then there’s this woman (another friend from childhood) who, while not exactly toxic, was certainly annoying, depressive and negative. I take a break from her every few years, but the shared history and the surety that she’d totally be there for me if I needed her, keep bringing me back. And I’m not sorry.

Yes, there are the toxic relationships, too. I’ve had my share. Still, I don’t cut the cord until I’ve given it everything I’ve got. I cherish the people in my life and I’m slow to release.

Consider what your possibly cull-able friend brings to your life. You didn’t start the relationship to be hurt, angry, disappointed or miserable. What did you see that hooked you? For me, a true friend laughs with me and cries with me. We each value the happiness of the other. We respect each other’s principles, and encourage each other to be the very best possible version of ourselves.

If you each do all that (and possibly more) for each other – regardless of what issues you are facing in your relationship now, your friendship is probably worth fixing. On the other hand, if you feel happier, more content and more relaxed without this friend in your life; if it’s been quite a while since the friendship has had value for you and lifted you ‘up’, you have a pretty clear sign that you should go your separate ways – at least for now.

Admittedly, there are some situations where a friendship may be beyond repair and even a ‘vacation’ won’t work for you. If your friend has done something that you view as unforgivable, a deal breaker, it’s unlikely that your friendship is fixable. We all have different boundaries, limits and deal-breakers; oftentimes unspoken. And that, my friends, is the BIG PROBLEM! Know your boundaries and speak them – it will save you a lot of clean up time later! Don’t wait until they have pushed them too far.

Oh, and if perhaps you are the one who has failed to behave as a good friend should and you have tried to make amends and your ex-friend has made it clear that he or she is just not interested in working things out, you need to respect their wishes and move on. Well, at least until you think it’s safe to try for a do-over!

 

 


SPRING CLEANING YOUR RELATIONSHIPS: Part 2 When cleanup just ain’t enuf!

Relationships Sink

Doing a thorough spring-cleaning on a relationship that might need a little dusting off is a lovely thing to do. Both of you – or all of you if you have a tribe that needs attention, get to feel appreciated; happy and valuable. In fact, the sprucing up an otherwise  ‘good’ (or ‘not so bad’) relationship is a lot like getting a manicure before you break a nail and really need one. I’m not saying it’s not important or productive to clean it up. It is! No one should be taken for granted. We all deserve to be valued. Personally, I feel great when my nails are freshly done. And I get a little giddy when I actually get a manicure before I desperately need it. Still, it’s not like fixing a broken leg, is it?

It’s those damaged and broken relationships that concern me the most. It’s not just the ones that need a little attention, but the ones that may not even BE repairable! I’m guessing you have one or two in your life right now (I know I do!). We all have a relationship or two that went bad. Might have been a misunderstanding. Could have been a major screw-up. Might even have been precipitated by a divorce or even death. In any case, you know the kind of relationship I’m talking about. Once it was… now it isn’t… and maybe one or both of you aren’t happy about that.

A friendship and, well, any relationship, takes time and effort to develop. So it stands to reason that if seriously damaged, it will also take time and effort to repair. Rebuilding trust is no easy task. And, maybe it’s not supposed to be. If it’s difficult will we appreciate it more? Could be. Some relationships are worth it.

Attempting to repair a damaged or broken relationship by doing some simple dusting and light cleanup just won’t cut it. I learned that years ago when I attempted to do a superficial clean up on one. I ended up getting slapped in the face – almost literally! A one-time best friend and I dissolved our business partnership over a disagreement about integrity. I didn’t think she had any!

After almost a year of angry silence she called and asked me to do her a favor. I was surprised and pleased. I thought that this meant we could friends again. (I didn’t really trust her, but she was really fun to hang out with…) We didn’t talk about the past. We didn’t do any repair work. I drove for almost an hour to meet her and do this big ‘friendship-fixing’ favor. That was my contribution to the repair of our very broken relationship. I actually-and smugly- thought I was doing a lot. She nodded when she saw me, but neither smiled nor spoke. Guess that should have been a clue. With a smile, I handed her the papers she’d asked me to write and extended my hand in friendship. She took the papers and spat on my outstretched hand, turned and walked away.

In that moment my mind was flooded with questions… What was I thinking? Did I really believe that my gesture would work as even a band-aid on our badly broken relationship? Was it even possible to restore our friendship? Did I even want to be friends with someone who would spit on me? Yuck! Was it worth the time and energy or was this a relationship that just needed to be over? And, if it could be patched up, how could that be done?

There are so many things to consider when a relationship goes wrong. What is my responsibility in the matter? Is it repairable? Do I want to keep this person in my life (physically, spiritually OR emotionally)? Am I willing to do whatever it takes to ‘fix’ this? What will it take to fix this?

Relationships are like shoes…

They last longer if we take good care of them.

It works well to polish and clean them regularly.

Some are so special to us that we repair them if they break.

Some we throw away.


SPRING CLEANING Your Relationships

theI determine that Spring Cleaning

It’s that ‘not quite’ time of year… winter is pretty much over but it’s ‘not quite summer’ yet. Here in the desert we’re blooming and the temperatures are pretty consistently in the high 70’s – low 90’s. That’s the good news. The bad news is all about the pollen and the wind – both are at their springtime peak. I’m sure you can guess what that means… nasty allergy attacks and sand everywhere! I really think it was the sandstorms alone that instigated the notion of SPRING CLEANING – and I’m all for it!

This morning, I finally took the time to assess the status of my home – inner and outer, I couldn’t help but notice that it’s time to do some spring cleaning here. There are some things, like the patio furniture and kitchen dish mats, that have served their purpose for me. Those I will donate or discard. Other things, like the automatic trashcan and the washerless garden hose, are still usable but need a little repair work – or maybe just fresh batteries. The windows need washing (okay serious scrubbing) and the deck needs refinishing.

I have some things that are beyond damaged. If I determine that they are downright broken (like my grandson’s blue chair and the door on the garage storage closet), then I will decide to either toss them or keep them. And, if I determine that something is a keeper, I have to figure out if it is fixable… and how to fix it!

Okay, analogy over. Well, almost over… Just like your home, it’s time for your annual relationships assessment. Put on the white gloves and do a walk-through in your contact list. No doubt you’ll be needing to do some spring-cleaning in that domain!

If you’re like most of us, there are some relationships that you probably know that you want to trash (others that you probably should). Like my ‘washerless garden hose’, some are well worth keeping and just need a simple repair. And then there are those we tend to take for granted because, well, they’re always there and, we assume (possibly foolishly), always will be. Those are the relationships that require our most diligent cleanup of all. Take the time to spruced up and spit polish them. Make it obvious to them, us and anyone else who happens to be around, that this relationship is cherished. Do some deep cleaning. Vacuum up the dust balls and polish ‘til shiny; (you might even have to don the long plastic gloves and scrub the toilets – so to speak).

As with most tasks, getting started is the often the hardest part. Enjoy the process of cleaning up ‘your act’ and your relationships. Cherish the time you use for spring-cleaning, it will change your life. And be nice to yourself, too. Take it one relationship at a time and bathe in the glow of your like-new, cleaner, shiny relationships.

 

 

 


SELF-SABOTAGE: THE GAME FOR ALL AGES

Self Sabotage Child

Sometimes a topic is just too dang big to cover in one phone conversation… Self-sabotage turned out to be one of those topics – who knew! I thought an hour would be plenty of time.  I mean, really, it’s not exactly ‘alert the media’ material; it’s not particularly sexy and it’s neither life- threatening nor shocking.

What it IS, however, is omnipresent, ubiquitous, all pervasive and deeply entrenched in the way we are as humanoids (I don’t even know if ‘humanoids’ is a real word, but I love it!). Self-sabotage a big issue because it’s EVERYWHERE we are! We all do it; most of us know we do it and want to STOP doing it. The problem is there seems to be this unspoken consensus that it just “is what it is” and there is little or nothing we can do about it. So we do it (again and again) and ignore that we are doing it. Seriously, why would WE do something so nasty to someone we ‘love’ so much??? Besides, we don’t do it ALL the time…

In the face of that, it becomes the elephant in the room… we don’t talk about it and seldom acknowledge it, so, ‘what we don’t know can’t hurt us’, right? WRONG!!! Self-sabotage is a complex, tragic process that pits us against our own thoughts and impulses. Yes, we all make occasional bad choices, mistakes and errors in judgment, but a true self-saboteur – one who really knows how to play with herself (if you’ll excuse the reference)… continually tries to fix those mistakes by top-loading them with more screw-ups and increasingly bad decisions. So the self-sabotage games ends – and you ‘win’ – when you completely lose!

Our self-sabotage may be conscious or unconscious, but really, what difference does it make? The end results are the same; we’re blowing it – for ourselves and by ourselves! How often do you (or I) stay awake when we’re exhausted, worry over things that shouldn’t matter, exaggerate other people’s achievements as we diminish our own, take unfair criticism to heart, speak negatively to and about ourselves… holy horse-feathers, this sucks!

Grabbing a doughnut once or twice a year won’t kill you (it’s comfort food), but every time you feel super stressed????? That could be 12 times a week (or 12 times a DAY), and your clothes are gonna get tight and your face is gonna break out and your sugar levels are gonna rise and what you did to feel better is going to end up causing you incredible levels of grief! The child in you will celebrate the sweet treat… the adult, not so much.

We all have an inner child – not just some random child, this kid sees life through YOUR history – your memories, fears, worries, decisions, and stories. Often the demands of that little munchkin (who is only trying to practice ‘self-defense’ and protect you) are out of sync with what the ‘adult you’ wants or needs. So what happens when our adult-me wants something and our inner child doesn’t want it… when, in fact, inner child wants the exact opposite?

BAM! Welcome to Self-Sabotage (carried out in the name of self-preservation and self-defense, of course).

And this, my friends is what we’ll be discussing this week in Motivate and Activate… taming the inner child, honing your self-parenting skills and my personal game plan for winning without ‘losing’! See you on the call!