self-sabotage


PROCRASTINATION: THE GAP BETWEEN INTENTION AND ACTION

 good-ideas

Do you know what happens when a procrastinator has a good idea? Nothing! And when a procrastinator has a great plan??? The same thing… NOTHING!

Personally, I am full of good ideas – you have them all the time, too, don’t you? Coming up with a great idea is fun, exhilarating and exciting. I’m a virtual treasure trove of good ideas for myself, for my clients, family and friends. I even have them for the occasional stranger and, of course, for our government officials and presidential candidates!

And, because I’m a coach, I know that every ‘good idea’ has to be backed up with a great plan. With my years of practice, I’m great at coming up with good plans, too -interesting ways to implement my good ideas

BUT, it’s only when those good ideas and great plans are backed up with commitment, intention, attention, FOCUS and ACTION that anything really happens. Unless I’m truly ready to implement – and committed to having results – it’s an exercise in futility and ‘reasons’ gathering.  Without them, a good idea is just a good idea and a good plan is just another good idea. And that, my friends, is why ‘good ideas are a dime a dozen’!

And the biggest block to achieving results? PROCRASTINATION!

PROCRASTINATION IS THE GAP BETWEEN INTENTION AND ACTION.

Procrastinators are magnificent at gathering reasons. When I am in procrastination mode I can list a score of reasons why something I’ve intended to do hasn’t happened yet – or never will. What I can’t do when I’m in that mode is get results. And, while I know that procrastinators (including yours truly) don’t get anything done, it’s knowing WHY we procrastinate – why we have that gap and, of course, what to do about it, that really matters. So, let’s go there…

Welcome to the world of the ‘What ifs’! When we project out into the future… wondering and worrying (making up sad stories about everything that could go wrong) we stop all forward action, create the ‘gap’, and set ourselves up to fail. The more we dwell on the what ifs, the bigger the gap and, the bigger the gap, the harder it is to build a bridge to get to the other side. We give up before we even start.

AND YOU CAN’T WIN IF YOU DON’T PLAY!

Are you ready to close the gap? Ready to have results instead of reasons? Seriously, ARE YOU REALLY READY? Did I hear a resounding YES??? This is not a someday thing, it’s a NOW thing. Let’s do this…

  1. Share your COMMITMENT! This IS going to happen because you won’t put up with anything less. You won’t stop until it’s a done deal. You are ready and willing to do whatever it takes to get your intended outcome. Make the commitment real by ‘casting it’ in the proverbial stone. Declare it out loud!
  1. What’s your INTENTION? Describe it out loud; write it on a sign, tell someone who will hold you accountable. Say it over and over. Picture it done. Remind yourself of your big WHY… why is this important to you? Intend to win!
  1. Be deliberate about what you say and don’t say, what you do and what you are avoiding doing, what you notice around you and what you’re thinking. (If your thoughts aren’t supporting you, notice that and replace those negative thoughts NOW.) Channel your ATTENTION onto everything around you that can be called into play to support you. Close the gap. Reign in the resources!
  1. FOCUS on your objective. Let your natural instincts lead you (or google your brain for a roadmap). Stay focused. Stuff is going to come up (it always does), notice it and get right back to your objective. Close the gap. Let nothing distract you. Be the postman who delivers… no matter what!
  1. Take ACTION (not ‘later’, not ‘when you know more’, not when you ‘feel ready’, not when you think you can). Do it NOW!

You have lots of good ideas… lots of plans… now close the gap and get the results!


$UBCON$CIOUS $ELF-$ABOTAGE – Money! 1

Self Sabotage

Unlock your money magnet!

When I was a teenager, living in an upper middle community, I looked around and (mostly unconsciously) judged the people around me who had lots of money. There were lots of ‘them’ to observe and, after deciding that my family was on the poor side, I made a slew of decisions about rich people. It wasn’t conscious, but it was pretty ugly and the rich folks didn’t fare well with me at all.

People – well, kids, with lots of money, I decided, were catty, popular and phony. As a group they were self-centered and self-important, unbalanced, unspiritual (but went to church to be social), wasteful, never satisfied, stuck-up, good looking (with great taste in clothes) and lucky… very, very lucky. I saw their parents – when I bothered to even give them a thought, as absent, cold, busy, powerful, snobby, and cruel to those who weren’t rich. And that was just the start of what I determined! I also ‘learned’ that men controlled the money, women overspent the money and that there was a finite amount of money – and these people were hogging it! That was my story and for me it was real.

As I moved out of the early chapters of my life, making the next level of my decisions – far more ‘adult’ decisions about people who had lots of money – I decided that people who did things with the intent to make a lot of money:

  • Didn’t do things that ‘made a difference on the planet’ (Which was fine with me because ‘everyone knows’ that teaching will never make you rich and ‘doing good’ wasn’t lucrative.)
  • Were never satisfied with what they did make. (Enter the workaholics.)
  • Were always afraid of losing what they had.
  • Were afraid of failing.

So I didn’t set out to make LOTS of money, I simply followed my passions and had FUN. It was working. At one point, years ago when the dollar was worth a lot more, I earned $500 every 15 minutes!

That was then…  Years later, my ‘abundance’ began to disappear. What??? I decided that I needed a minimum of $2M (in savings and assets) to support my ‘golden years’. Desperation set in (dangerous stuff). Why wasn’t the money coming in? This wasn’t fun anymore.

And, that’s when I started to became CONSCIOUS about my relationship with money. It was going to take lots of money to get everything I wanted and needed. How was I going to make that happen? And, what was blocking me now? It was so easy in the past.

The BIG AHA MOMENT: My life was no longer about the passion and FUN; it was all about making lots of money. I was so attached to that end result that my happiness and self-worth had become dependent on it. My inner peace and balance were attached to having something ‘happen’ instead of being present and enjoying the NOW. The first step to creating change is awareness, right? Questions followed…

Who would I have to BE to have it all? Why would my unconscious mind – there to protect me – let me become one of ‘those’ people? Simple answer, it wouldn’t! My subconscious mind stealthily reminded me that I didn’t actually like rich people; that I said I didn’t want to be like them. I said I want to have $2M and a comfortable monthly income that allows me to live and give in abundance. Rich people have that – and more. But, at some level, I didn’t want to be a rich person! My subconscious mind was sabotaging my moneymaking efforts based on how negatively I’d judged high earners. My silly subconscious was actually protecting me… from me!

My beliefs weren’t necessarily bad or wrong, they were just… mine; appropriate and realistic at the time I formed them. They were partially true, but incomplete and simplified.

Now that I have brought my old beliefs about money up to the conscious level, I can move out of my old pattern of unconsciously following them—even (and especially) when they’re not working—and create a whole new, healthier, passionate and FUN relationship with money. Old $ubcon$ciou$ belief$… you’re not welcome in my new world!

 


SELF-SABOTAGE: THE GAME FOR ALL AGES

Self Sabotage Child

Sometimes a topic is just too dang big to cover in one phone conversation… Self-sabotage turned out to be one of those topics – who knew! I thought an hour would be plenty of time.  I mean, really, it’s not exactly ‘alert the media’ material; it’s not particularly sexy and it’s neither life- threatening nor shocking.

What it IS, however, is omnipresent, ubiquitous, all pervasive and deeply entrenched in the way we are as humanoids (I don’t even know if ‘humanoids’ is a real word, but I love it!). Self-sabotage a big issue because it’s EVERYWHERE we are! We all do it; most of us know we do it and want to STOP doing it. The problem is there seems to be this unspoken consensus that it just “is what it is” and there is little or nothing we can do about it. So we do it (again and again) and ignore that we are doing it. Seriously, why would WE do something so nasty to someone we ‘love’ so much??? Besides, we don’t do it ALL the time…

In the face of that, it becomes the elephant in the room… we don’t talk about it and seldom acknowledge it, so, ‘what we don’t know can’t hurt us’, right? WRONG!!! Self-sabotage is a complex, tragic process that pits us against our own thoughts and impulses. Yes, we all make occasional bad choices, mistakes and errors in judgment, but a true self-saboteur – one who really knows how to play with herself (if you’ll excuse the reference)… continually tries to fix those mistakes by top-loading them with more screw-ups and increasingly bad decisions. So the self-sabotage games ends – and you ‘win’ – when you completely lose!

Our self-sabotage may be conscious or unconscious, but really, what difference does it make? The end results are the same; we’re blowing it – for ourselves and by ourselves! How often do you (or I) stay awake when we’re exhausted, worry over things that shouldn’t matter, exaggerate other people’s achievements as we diminish our own, take unfair criticism to heart, speak negatively to and about ourselves… holy horse-feathers, this sucks!

Grabbing a doughnut once or twice a year won’t kill you (it’s comfort food), but every time you feel super stressed????? That could be 12 times a week (or 12 times a DAY), and your clothes are gonna get tight and your face is gonna break out and your sugar levels are gonna rise and what you did to feel better is going to end up causing you incredible levels of grief! The child in you will celebrate the sweet treat… the adult, not so much.

We all have an inner child – not just some random child, this kid sees life through YOUR history – your memories, fears, worries, decisions, and stories. Often the demands of that little munchkin (who is only trying to practice ‘self-defense’ and protect you) are out of sync with what the ‘adult you’ wants or needs. So what happens when our adult-me wants something and our inner child doesn’t want it… when, in fact, inner child wants the exact opposite?

BAM! Welcome to Self-Sabotage (carried out in the name of self-preservation and self-defense, of course).

And this, my friends is what we’ll be discussing this week in Motivate and Activate… taming the inner child, honing your self-parenting skills and my personal game plan for winning without ‘losing’! See you on the call!

 

 

 


IF YOU’RE GONNA PLAY WITH YOURSELF… MAKE IT A GOOD GAME!

Difference

I seldom procrastinate. I’m not a druggie or a drinker, don’t self medicate and I quit smoking. Lord knows I’m not overly modest. Self-injury and cutting don’t appeal to me nor do shopping sprees. So, I’m fine, right? I don’t play the self-sabotage game, do I? I mean, seriously, I did a lot of research on self-sabotage and those things seem to be the most common ways that we shoot ourselves in the foot (so to speak). And, yet, somehow, deep down inside, I have this crazy feeling that, even though I don’t see it, maybe… just maybe… I may be getting in my own way and sabotaging my greatness. I like to play Sudoku, candy crush and solitaire, but self-sabotage is not the game I want to play with myself!

Okay, I admit it, I am a people pleasing, comfort eating, put the other guy first type of humanoid. And I do have a very LOUD inner critic that I constantly have to ignore, but what does all that mean?  How could that stuff be stopping me?  Is it possible that those silly little habitual behaviors – including the things I do that (I think) make me a nice person, are also the things that are holding me back and tripping me up?  Naw, it couldn’t be, could it?

Maybe this is one of those areas of life where it’s waaaay easier to see where someone else is screwing up than it is to recognize where you’re doing it. I’ll put you under the microscope. Okay… sit back and relax, then, while I look at YOU (That’s the ‘global’ you, not YOU you)!

Let me think… what have I noticed, or said to ‘them’ about their obvious bouts of ‘self-defeating doings’? It’s so much easier to recognize that stuff when someone else is doing it.

“By the time I got there the job was taken.”

You might have gotten the job if you had gotten there a little bit earlier. Remember we talked about you being first in line. (Wait a minute, I’ve done that.)

“I’m so angry at myself for skipping my workout!”

Wait, now you’re going to eat the cupcake because you already blew it today by skipping the gym? (Oops, this might have been me once or twice.)

“That jerk finally called after I waited for three full days, so I didn’t take his call.”

You spent three days hoping he’d call and then when he finally did call you didn’t even talk to him? (Hmm, I may have “cut off my nose to spite my face” a time or two.)

It’s fine. I don’t need the help. I can do it myself.”

Of course you can, but wouldn’t it be a lot faster and easier if you let someone help you

(There may have been a time or two when my stubbornness got in the way.)

Okay, ENOUGH ALREADY!!! I’m getting it. You don’t have to hit me over the head with a two by four! I self-sabotage. I see that. It’s a stupid game. No one ever plays it with me and I never seem to win! I QUIT!!!