resisting

RESISTING RESISTANCE – PART 2

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When I recently declared that I was on a journey to ‘understand and conquer’ my resistance in life, I had no idea that I’d be ‘traveling’ with such a huge tribe! It turns out that resistance is a big deal – especially in the world of psychology – and no one among us is untouched by it. Who knew?

Now, half dozen books and 20 or 30 articles later, I realize that resistance is not only normal; it’s a basic survival defense mechanism. I don’t do what I don’t do because somewhere deep inside me (i.e., subconsciously) I’m afraid that if I did do whatever it is, it would actually hurt me. So I protect me. Thank you, Me.

We resist in order to protect ourselves… from DANGER, PAIN, DISAPPOINTMENT, DISILLUSIONMENT and hundreds of other equally awful things. Here’s the rub: that place ‘deep inside’ – the place where fear is hangin’ out – may not have our current best interests at heart! What we feared in the past may not be an issue anymore. Personally, I’m over that whole ‘thing’ I had in 6th grade about girls who had waists smaller than their hips and thighs that didn’t rub together being ho- bags! I’m pretty sure that I could lose weight, look phenomenal and still be a ‘nice girl’. Adult me has moved on…

I’m ready to ‘join the resistance’ against resistance! Who’s in? Great! But I do want to issue a few warnings… This is an inner game. It’s a mind game and the battlefield of Resistance vs. Action is almost entirely within us. Unfortunately, because often we’re not very good at recognizing resistance for what it is… and not too hot at combating it, we have a tendency to resort to stepping up our external game to win the war. Instead of using our inner strengths; motivation, our ability to think and reason, gratitude and appreciation, we work on our external tools (As if that would make any difference.)

Silly us, we think we can beat resistance by organizing our desk, writing down our tasks, designing new and better systems (tweaking them until they’re nearly perfect), buying a better elliptical machine and so on. So we have a better mousetrap and we still can’t catch a mouse! It’s not that those things don’t matter, it’s that they don’t matter in the ‘war against resistance’.

Admittedly my battle plan is still a work in progress, but so far I’m seeing some very positive results. I can’t be ‘ambushed’ because I am now aware (step one) that I’m being attacked on at least three ‘fronts’: the gym, online dating and self-promotion. Those are my big three and I now recognize resistance when it shows up.

I’m standing up to the fears I can now identify and I’m not backing down! I structure my day to include confronting and coming to terms with my fears. I’m shifting from victim to hero in my very own story!

“On the field of the Self stand a knowing and a dragon. You are the knight. Resistance is the dragon.”
— Steven Pressfield

 

I DON’T WANNA… RESISTING RESISTANCE

Sometimes I just don’t ‘wanna’. There are days when I don’t want to work – though I have plenty of work to do. I want to share my coaching with the world, but I don’t do much to let the world know that I have things they may want to hear. I joined a gym over a year ago and I still haven’t gone for a class or a workout. I don’t want to go to the gym – though I do want to lose those 5 ‘extra’ pounds and my running and daily push-ups aren’t getting the job done. I don’t want to ‘look’ for new clients – even though I love coaching and my bank account would be happy. And I can’t seem to get it together in the ‘find a man’ department, either. I say that I really, really want to, but when it comes to joining on-line dating sites or local clubs or groups… nada! I have made absolutely no move – no effort – to meet a man, even though I know that it would be fun. I just don’t feel like it. It’s too much effort. So, I don’t wanna.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I do want all of those things to happen. I want to speak before a crowd of 1000’s, lose those 5 pounds and fall in love. I just don’t want to do them. I want them to all just occur. I want Prince Charming to ride up on his white horse with fifty new clients and a pill that will give me the perfect body overnight. I want someone to ‘discover’ me and make it their life’s work to put me on stage. Is that too much to ask? Ya think?

So I have the goals and I have the desire…  What I don’t have is a plan because my resistance is waaay stonger than I seem to be. Truth is, as I write this I’m not even sure what I’m resisting. And that, my friends, is the reason I chose this topic for the week. My guess is, if I have issues (aka blocks) keeping me from having what I say I want… so do many you!

The journey, then, is to discover what is keeping me from going all Nike on it and “JUST Doing IT”! It’s clearly not a motivation thing. And I’m definitely not lazy. It’s a resistance; some subconscious or unconscious fear that has me absolutely paralyzed. It’s a under the radar thing that is keeping me from being in action and doing what I do so effortlessly in so many other areas of my life… take charge and make it happen!

I now open up the inquiry. Time to ‘google my brain’ and, with the right questions, I may have some amazing answers by my Thursday night MOTIVATE and ACTIVATE call. I can’t wait to share… I WANNA!