Self Sabotage

Unlock your money magnet!

When I was a teenager, living in an upper middle community, I looked around and (mostly unconsciously) judged the people around me who had lots of money. There were lots of ‘them’ to observe and, after deciding that my family was on the poor side, I made a slew of decisions about rich people. It wasn’t conscious, but it was pretty ugly and the rich folks didn’t fare well with me at all.

People – well, kids, with lots of money, I decided, were catty, popular and phony. As a group they were self-centered and self-important, unbalanced, unspiritual (but went to church to be social), wasteful, never satisfied, stuck-up, good looking (with great taste in clothes) and lucky… very, very lucky. I saw their parents – when I bothered to even give them a thought, as absent, cold, busy, powerful, snobby, and cruel to those who weren’t rich. And that was just the start of what I determined! I also ‘learned’ that men controlled the money, women overspent the money and that there was a finite amount of money – and these people were hogging it! That was my story and for me it was real.

As I moved out of the early chapters of my life, making the next level of my decisions – far more ‘adult’ decisions about people who had lots of money – I decided that people who did things with the intent to make a lot of money:

  • Didn’t do things that ‘made a difference on the planet’ (Which was fine with me because ‘everyone knows’ that teaching will never make you rich and ‘doing good’ wasn’t lucrative.)
  • Were never satisfied with what they did make. (Enter the workaholics.)
  • Were always afraid of losing what they had.
  • Were afraid of failing.

So I didn’t set out to make LOTS of money, I simply followed my passions and had FUN. It was working. At one point, years ago when the dollar was worth a lot more, I earned $500 every 15 minutes!

That was then…  Years later, my ‘abundance’ began to disappear. What??? I decided that I needed a minimum of $2M (in savings and assets) to support my ‘golden years’. Desperation set in (dangerous stuff). Why wasn’t the money coming in? This wasn’t fun anymore.

And, that’s when I started to became CONSCIOUS about my relationship with money. It was going to take lots of money to get everything I wanted and needed. How was I going to make that happen? And, what was blocking me now? It was so easy in the past.

The BIG AHA MOMENT: My life was no longer about the passion and FUN; it was all about making lots of money. I was so attached to that end result that my happiness and self-worth had become dependent on it. My inner peace and balance were attached to having something ‘happen’ instead of being present and enjoying the NOW. The first step to creating change is awareness, right? Questions followed…

Who would I have to BE to have it all? Why would my unconscious mind – there to protect me – let me become one of ‘those’ people? Simple answer, it wouldn’t! My subconscious mind stealthily reminded me that I didn’t actually like rich people; that I said I didn’t want to be like them. I said I want to have $2M and a comfortable monthly income that allows me to live and give in abundance. Rich people have that – and more. But, at some level, I didn’t want to be a rich person! My subconscious mind was sabotaging my moneymaking efforts based on how negatively I’d judged high earners. My silly subconscious was actually protecting me… from me!

My beliefs weren’t necessarily bad or wrong, they were just… mine; appropriate and realistic at the time I formed them. They were partially true, but incomplete and simplified.

Now that I have brought my old beliefs about money up to the conscious level, I can move out of my old pattern of unconsciously following them—even (and especially) when they’re not working—and create a whole new, healthier, passionate and FUN relationship with money. Old $ubcon$ciou$ belief$… you’re not welcome in my new world!



Got Joy


With thanks to Lucinda Williams for giving me the words to describe how I’ve been feeling lately… I’m not actually depressed. I’m not suffering from anxiety. I’m just not very happy. I’m not actually enjoying my amazing life (which so deserves to be fully celebrated!). Something’s ‘off’, life doesn’t feel ‘right’ and whatever that something is, it’s taking a nasty toll on me. I miss my JOY and I want it back!

My work is getting done, but instead of it being a huge turn-on and bringing me it’s usual gallons of enormous joy, it feels routine, just what I do – along with cooking and cleaning and driving and making beds and watering plants. Now, don’t misunderstand, I love what I do – it’s my passion! I can’t imagine doing anything more fulfilling. But it used to be fun, too. And, right now, it’s not fun. It just is.

Not surprisingly, my work turned ordinary about the time I got to feeling ‘meh’.  It’s as if I’m living in a construction zone – can’t turn the way I want to turn, traffic is backed up, someone keeps stopping me when I want to go… get the picture? I’m living in a temporarily NO FUN zone!

To the average observer, I am still Susie Sunshine, bubbling with energy. Outwardly I look happy. I smile. I’m nice. I have occasional bouts of ‘that’s nice’, but inside me I feel ‘off’. Not just as in ‘off my game’, but like someone actually flipped a switch and turned me OFF! I Laughing, being silly, giggling as I uncover the hidden humor in life – that’s what’s missing. I haven’t awakened with a smile in what seems like an eternity. Food is kinda tasteless. Life feels bland, too.

I know what’s wrong. I lost my joy! I forgot the steps to my happy dance! This is so not okay with me! I lost my JOY and I want it back!

My Grandma Ida (the one with the plentiful, encompassing hugs whose dimples were so big that her face caved in when she smiled) used to have two simple methods for finding anything that was lost. Step one was to turn over a glass. That was it; just turn over a glass on the counter. Step two wasn’t much more complicated. Lift up the toilet seat and, after a non-dizzying 360 turn, spit into the toilet two times. Her system never failed me. I am a terrific finder!

As I type this out, a light is coming on inside my head (I was planning on that when I sat down to write). I think I might know where I lost my joy. I think it’s with the sleep I haven’t been getting, the water I haven’t been drinking and the healthy food I haven’t been eating! I saw a glimpse of it when I put down the car windows and turned up the volume on my 60’s music. Had a sighting when I snuggled with my grandson. Spotted it when I shared my current state of joylessness with my Mastermind Group and they suggested that I get my butt into action!

Okay, I know what to do. First I’ll turn over a glass. I’m getting my joy back!