attitude

IS YOUR GLASS ½ EMPTY OR ½ FULL? DOES IT MATTER?

FULL of Possibility

I’m clearly a ½ full kinda gal – ask anyone. In fact, if truth be told (and I want nothing less) I tend to see the glass as overflowing most of the time. I am a master at spinning straw into gold. Yes, I do believe that I was born with that proclivity, but there are days when I actually have to work at seeing life through those rosy glasses of mine. I see positivity as a muscle – work it and it grows!

Okay, “So what?” you ask. Well, I’ll tell ya… Scientists have proven that a positive outlook actually makes a difference in life; health, wealth and emotional well-being. Expecting good things to happen naturally leads you to taking actions that produce more positive results. Expecting bad stuff to come your way can actually keep you from doing the very things that might have minimized or avoided just that!

But the value of a positive ‘see the glass as ½ full attitude’ about life is not the whole idea behind my blog today. The real question I pose is this: You may think you have a positive outlook, but are you REALLY a ½ full person? Most of us claim to be, but that positive outlook shows up in our speaking as well as in our thoughts! What are you saying and what are you thinking? What do you notice first about the people and the world around you?

Do you start with the premise that there’s good news everywhere? Do you notice what’s present… or what’s missing? Do you wake up in the morning and celebrate another day of life or bemoan the fact that you have to wake up and get to work? When you look in the mirror do you smile and see a living, breathing person with body parts that work and the ability to see and touch and taste and feel and love? Or do you look in the mirror and notice that your youthful skin is becoming wrinkled, the thick, shiny hair is disappearing, and your high school physic is gone? Do you notice the impending rain clouds or that sliver of glorious sunshine? When you meet someone new, do you first notice what you see that attracts you or are you looking for flaws? Are you even aware of what you see and think? As usual, becoming aware is always step one…

And, when it comes to your life, are you more inclined to first notice what’s ‘missing’ (like money, love, joy, health) or do you celebrate what you have (like money, love, joy and health)? Are you on a mission to fill the holes, or are the holes just something you notice in passing and use as a guide…

Case in point: I have a client who considers himself to be a positive ½ full guy… he told me so. Then, two minutes later he flat out said that he doesn’t consider himself successful because he “can’t even afford to buy a house”. Whaaat? (NOTE: His attention was clearly on what’s missing; not what he has.) After a few minutes of coaching and conversation he recognized the ½ emptiness of his speaking and realized that, of course he could buy a house – just not his dream house…YET! I asked him what he could afford and he began again – a roof over his head with running water and indoor toilets and an office and a little yard (he went on and on) and finally saw that what he could have right now was pretty terrific AND a step toward that dream house.

So, notice… if you claim to be a ½ full person, do you first notice what you have (i.e., count your blessings) or take stock of what’s missing in your life?

My glass is ½ full (with clean fresh water) – the other ½ is filled with possibility!

NO! ENOUGH is NOT ENOUGH FOR ME!

People often ask how I maintain my ‘cup is always full’, positive, Susie Sunshine attitude about life… how I seem to bounce back so quickly from even the most upsetting hurdles and setbacks. Sit back and relax (Really, I mean it, relax!) I’m about to share some positivity tools with you!

I have an abundance mindset. I believe that there is ‘more than enough’ of everything to go around. There’s always more ‘where that came from’ – whether you’re talkin’ about love, money, opportunity or sunshine! Your success takes nothing from me. Winning today does not mean that I can’t win again tomorrow (In fact, it’s more likely that I will!). Perhaps this explains why I find the concept of ‘enough’ so annoying. It’s playing so small!

My mindset has a lot to do with the language I use and the words I choose. Enough, as a word or a concept, is just too blah for me. It’s over-used and not definitive at all (In fact, it can mean so many different things, I find it down right confusing!)*. I think of enough as a sister word to ‘good’ and ‘fine’ – two words that, while they may seem to be positive, have sinister undertones of negativity, insufficiency and scarcity. I hear those words and the little hairs on the back of my neck jump to attention and send a chill down my spine. I immediately assume that the person speaking has an unspeakable hidden agenda designed to distort or hide the truth.

When people ask how I maintain my positive, Susie Sunshine attitude about life (and they do), what they really want to know is how I seem to bounce back so quickly from even the most upsetting hurdles and setbacks. Well, my friends, it’s all about the mindset. I come from a place of ABUNDANCE (it’s my source – the well I drink from), and to maintain it, I have a system…

I have an ACTIVE attitude of GRATITUDE for life and what shows up

I openly APPRECIATE the people, things and circumstances that surround me

I share, donate and receive GENEROUSLY

I take FULL responsibility for ME and maintain clearly defined boundaries

I am organized and conscious of the abundance around me

I always have a plan

And, probably most important of all…

I ‘GOOGLE MY BRAIN’ AND ASK THE RIGHT QUESTIONS!

“How else could I interpret this?”

“What can I do right now to turn this around?”

“What is there for me to learn here?”

“Can I control this?”

“What’s the ‘win’ here?”

And, yes, it also has a lot to do with the language I use and the words I choose. So, I choose carefully. I don’t want to have just ‘enough’. It’s not ‘enough’! I want abundance; plenty for me and plenty to share.

*ENOUGH:

As much as required: “That’s just enough money to buy some French fries.”

Too much: “I’ve had enough of those fries… I’m about to puke!”

Don’t do that: “Enough already! Don’t put another one of those greasy fries on my plate!”

Stop talking: “Enough said, I got it!”

Shhh! Let’s Talk About Money!

I think my parents had more money than my grandparents… but I’m not really sure. How could I know? It’s not like they ever discussed it around the table at Sunday family dinners. It’s not like any of them ever talked about money at all – except to mention things like: Money doesn’t grow on trees. A penny saved is a penny earned. Money doesn’t buy happiness. The best things in life are free. Money is the root of all evil. We can’t afford it… do you think I’m made of money? ) Money was clearly the elephant in the room – and it was spreading to my head.

My teen years were “spent” in an affluent neighborhood. Huge mansions and sprawling estates overlooked the azure blue pacific. Between the parks and horse trails were majestic peacock-filled tree lined streets. The high school parking lot was filled with expensive, late model cars and the lawns were neatly and artistically manicured.

We didn’t have a swimming pool. I didn’t have my own car. We weren’t Presbyterian – or even Christian and I didn’t have a princess phone in my room! I didn’t really BELONG in my hood – know what I mean? THEY had everything. We were missing some stuff… (Only the herd in my head knew just how much was missing!)

Shortly after we had moved to ‘Wonderland’ my mother was invited to attend a League of Women Voters meeting at a mansion “behind the gates”. She came home with quite a story to share. The hostess, upon hearing which area of Wonderland we resided in, said simply, “Oh? The slums?” Yup. We lived in the slums. And now I knew it for sure! My mother seemed to be more amused than hurt or angry. That really confused me. I wanted to go find that biatch and punch her in the face!

Then, unable to physically punch, I carefully designed some life-altering decisions and drew a bunch of conclusions… some about people, many about money – most with little basis in reality – except, of course, mine. (All of them, you’ll note, were cleverly designed to protect me in the future, and none of them were open for discussion. My elephants were not talking!)

My family was poor and no matter how good I thought my life was, it wasn’t that good; it could be better with more money.

We didn’t belong and never would.

People with a lot of money weren’t nice. In fact, rich people were mean.

Men made the money and women lived off of and bragged about their men, so women were stupid and rich women were the worst!

On the report card of life, I was a B, maybe even a B+… not an A. And, there didn’t seem to be anything I could do about it. I was born a B. Raised as a B. Probably destined to remain a B forever. B wasn’t ‘bad’. It just wasn’t enough. I didn’t have and wasn’t ENOUGH.

Scarcity! There wasn’t enough to go around ‘cuz THEY had it all. I looked around and there was never enough. I was never enough. And I was an excellent detective collecting tons of evidence to prove it!

I was ‘short’ not petite.

I was ‘cute’ not pretty.

I was popular but not in the ‘A’ clique.

I was ‘smart’ not brilliant.

I got all A’s… and one B (“How”, asked my father, “did you screw up in that subject?”)

I got an allowance but it wasn’t ‘enough’.

I had a job as a popcorn-selling usherette, but I didn’t earn ‘enough’.

So, you ask, based on how cleverly you buried yourself in scarcity and not being ‘enough’, Sandye, how did you get out of that self-defeating mindset? Guess you’ll have to listen to the Motivate and Activate call for March 3, 2016. I’ll tell you then. If I have ENOUGH time!

Patience Is Worth Waiting For…

I used to say that I could never work in a restaurant because “I’m a lousy ‘waiter’”. Sitting in a car or a ‘waiting room’, standing in line or out in the cold, holding the phone for an answer or holding my breath for a response all drove me to distraction. Perhaps worst for me was dealing with sloooooow people. I’ve always been quick. I still like quick. Talk to me and you get an immediate answer. Ask me to do something and, BAM! it’s done (or started, at the very least). And, human that I am, it was my belief that EVERYONE else on the planet should be like me. Problem was… they weren’t. Turns out there are people who like to think before they answer a question. There are people who, by choice or necessity, move slowly. And here was the shocker: Not everyone on the planet gives a rat’s patootie about my agenda, my schedule or me! Some people actually have their own issues, motivations and urgent needs… who knew?

My great Patience Transformation started with my son-in-law. He’s a ‘thinker’. There were times when I repeated myself – sure that he didn’t hear. Sometimes he flat out disagreed with what I said. There were times when he was slow to understand. What I learned was that to communicate with him – and I wanted to – I had to slow ME down, see things from his point of view and listen with patience (or blow off a relationship that meant a lot to me).

Then came the birth of my grandson. There is no way to spend time with any kidlet and not have your patience tested. Babies, toddlers and children can try the patience of anyone! But, being impatient with those who don’t do what you want – when you want it; are slow or picky eaters, have to go potty when it’s time to leave, scream and cry when they don’t want to leave, talk when you want quiet time and won’t stay in bed when it’s beddy bye time, is a natural, human reaction… not effective or helpful in any way, but certainly a human inclination. And so, another piece of my transformation began to fall into place. It was much easier, and a whole lot more fun, to cope with the little love of my life when I was serene and calm and unruffled. I like ‘easy’. And I love FUN! Sometimes you just have to laugh at the cosmic jokes. So, I taught myself to lean back into the cosmic humor of watching a child learn and grow.

And now I am the caregiver for my 92-year-old mother. She isn’t quick. She gets confused and forgetful and repeats herself. She hides things and then forgets where. When it’s time to leave the house she can’t find her purse. Sometimes I feel like screaming. I don’t. It wouldn’t help. It would only upset both of us, and hey, this is the woman who taught me how to use a potty (and I can’t even count how many times that’s come in handy)!

Patience Transformation complete!

Sure, I’ve had other ‘teachers’ (Verizon employees and the cashiers at Wal-Mart and Target come immediately to mind). I’ve been on the road with inconsiderate drivers and on airplanes with stinky seatmates, screaming infants and snoring neighbors. I’ve anxiously waited for test results, checks in the mail and cars to be repaired… and I do so patiently. Turns out it makes me happy.

Waiting, when you have a good attitude, isn’t all that hard. In fact, it can be effortless and even enjoyable. Okay, admittedly a quick visit to Face Book or Candy Crush has often played a part in my willingness to wait, but, hey, I’m a really great waiter!

Gotta Love The Foreplay

According to Webster’s, foreplay is an action or behavior preceding an ‘event’. Well, that’s cool. It means life is jammed packed with foreplay and who doesn’t love foreplay? Gotta love the foreplay! It’s exciting, stimulating, arousing and just plain FUN. I know that for me, what leads to the successful manifestation of my passion is thoughtful, committed, passion-filled foreplay. Yep, I’m definitely a fan.

Relax. Resume normal breathing. This is not a sexual blog – well not exactly. Getting ready IS foreplay – regardless of what you’re getting ready for… It’s what we do to embrace the anticipation, build trust and feel connection. It gets us ready for action. It’s a terrific way to find the ‘sweet spot’ in your business, your relationships… in your life.

Today I had a manicure. Now Johnny (he’s my manicure guy) couldn’t very well just grab my hands and file away. First came the foreplay. Would I like water? (Oh, yes, please.) A pillow for behind my back? (That would be great, thanks.) No cell phone in your ear today, Sandye. (Nope, it’s all about you, me and the nails, Johnny.) French manicure? (But of course. You know I love a French manicure.) And I was ‘ready’… so was he.

After my manicure I headed over for an appointment with my eye doctor. I was nervous and that may have been evident – judging by the degree of foreplay that I was exposed to… “Oh, I see you’re back to see Dr. Manning, Sandye. She’s such a good doctor.” (Ah, build that trust.) “Would you like a cup of coffee and a cookie while you wait? Make yourself comfortable and let me know if you need anything.” (Let me know that you care about me. Make me like you…)

Feeling far more relaxed, and a little less pissed that my eye ‘issue’ was not an issue at the moment, the foreplay of good client service had prepped me for a great client experience. A little foreplay goes a long way!

Take note, getting in the mood and getting others in the moo, is vital to creating that all-important feeling of connection and lubricating the path, ah, getting down to business. Oh, you know what I mean…

When I want to super-infuse a project with excitement – and a much greater likelihood of success, I exercise discipline and restraint. Instead of just jumping in, I plan it out, fully prepare before I begin. Foreplay requires discipline, and it’s sooo worth it!

THE CHICKEN HAD A GOOD IDEA!

When I have what I consider to be a really good idea – I mean a really good idea, I create a plan and jump into action. Sometimes this results in ‘a really good idea that didn’t quite work out to be what I envisioned’. My short foray into the world of Yardles (surprise decorating of front yards for all occasions) is still high on my list of really clever ideas that never made it big. Other times the results have been simply off the charts. When I was barely thirty I created a business writing gag lines on latex balloons; decorating with them and delivering them in bouquets. An article featuring ME in Time Magazine and guest appearances on crazy numbers of radio and TV shows attest to the success of that idea. It supported my family for over 30 years!

So what, I’ve asked myself, what made one idea fail and the other blossom into an internationally known 7-figure company? Same creator, generally appealing to the same audience… what was different? Me, I realized. It was me and my attitude toward the project. When people didn’t immediately rush to order a Yardle, I questioned the feasibility of my idea. When one was ordered that had to be done between 4 am and 5 am, the job was turned down. Yardles was a ‘good idea’. Balloon Affair was a commitment.

This gal does not offer up the words “I’m committed” flippantly. When I do commit to anything (a project, person, idea, task or bacon ‘n eggs breakfast) you can count on me – like death, taxes and Trump’s comb-over. I will do it. I will make it happen. NO MATTER WHAT.

No Reasons – Just Results! That’s how the balloon biz grew. I believed in it and I worked it. There was simply no quitting… even when people laughed at the idea of building a business with rubber balloons… even when ‘head’quarters was in my girlfriend’s guest bathroom… even when I carelessly opened the trunk of my car and lost 100 balloons to the wild blue yonder! Stuff happens, right? And when you are committed you just keep moving forward. NO MATTER WHAT.

Commitment meant working every holiday from dawn to exhaustion… because I said so. Commitment meant sticking with it when I was the only worker who didn’t get paid that week.

Commitment meant cutting myself off from any possibility outside of achieving my results.

Commitment meant EXPECTING it to all work – knowing down deep inside that I would not -could not fail. I was 100% dedicated to my company… ask my children who almost never saw their mom on weekends unless they were with her being ‘ballonatics’!

It seems silly to say 100% dedicated. Saying that you can be anything but 100% committed is like saying you’re just a ‘little’ pregnant… Either you are, or you’re not – all in or all out.

OBSTACLES, INFLUENCE AND CURIOSITY, OH MY!

By Sandye Linnetz

I was asked some very interesting questions today in preparation for a radio interview. So interesting that I thought I’d share them – and my answers – with you. You could say that this was my personal “What Do I Say?” for today. I’m generally so busy asking questions that just allowing myself the time to ‘ponder’ the answers (particularly because they were my answers) was quite the thought-provoking exercise for me, so…

If you’re ready for a little ‘workout’ yourself, consider how you might answer them (and feel free to share; either here or in the Facebook group). Here they are – very slightly paraphrased and followed by my answers:

Question #1: When faced with obstacles what keeps you going?

I’m a master re-framer with a ‘glass is full’ attitude about life! I expect miracles, so I find them. When I wake up in the morning I don’t tend to worry or ‘wonder’ about what the day will bring, I’m far more likely to design it and step into my creation! When I make up stuff (as we all do), I tend to make up really good stuff! Obstacles are learning opportunities and I love puzzles, games and problem solving. How can we not stop going when the game is on?

Question #2: Other than a coach, who has influenced you the most?

Easy question (though there are multiple answers). I’ll go with: my mother. Fifty plus years ago I remember her telling me that she had a great idea for a business. She believed that most people were hungry for someone to listen to them, and since she was a good listener, she should set up a phone line just for people to call in and talk… and she’d listen. People, she told me, want to talk about themselves; what they think, how they feel. Everyone wants to feel heard and be visible. Although she never took it on as a business, she did practice it ad infinitum. She’s that woman who makes new best friends wherever she goes. She loves people and loves to hear their stories.

That idea sat in the back reaches of my spirit for years – didn’t even realize that I was actually creating a business in line with what she had taught me as a child.

Question #3: How has curiosity played a role in your business/life?

I don’t claim to have all the answers, I only promise to seek them out! And that urge to know something, my natural curiosity, leads me to astounding people, places, ideas and opportunities. Curiosity compels me to find out – both if what I think is so, is actually so, and, if it isn’t, what is?

Many things in life delight me, none so much as learning something I didn’t know and didn’t even know that I didn’t know! Learning is a huge turn on for me and curiosity is the door to learning. My favorite curiosity quote comes from the amazing wit of Dorothy Parker: The cure for boredom is curiosity. There is no cure for curiosity!

WHO YA GONNA CALL? RUT BUSTERS!

WHO YA GONNA CALL? RUT BUSTERS!

By Sandye Linnetz

My daughter brilliantly invented New Food Friday to get my grandson to try new foods. It’s a pretty simple concept… every Friday some formerly foreign food (I just love alliteration.) is introduced to his 4-year old diet. He tries it, evaluates it and determines if it’s something he’d like to have again. He loves the game and most of the new things he tries. Yes, it is a game of sight, smell, texture and taste, and it’s so much more!

In a bigger sense I call New Food Friday the RUT BUSTER! We’ve all felt like we were ‘stuck in a rut’ at some time, haven’t we? It’s an all too familiar situation; an idiom for being bogged down in life – maybe just one area of life; in a boring place that never changes (and seems like it never will). For my grandson it was a food rut. Boy cannot live by mac and cheese alone!

As I do my own personal rut quest (Go ahead, take notes and you can go on your own quest.), I notice that I have some pretty rigid routines. That’s not where I’m stuck, though. Routine is different from rut… unless that routine is boring, predictable, repetitive and a dead end. So where do I look to discover if and where I’m stuck? Hmmm. Well, where do I not have the results I want? (Good place to start looking.) Where am I feeling resigned – as in hopelessly accepting? In what situation do I hear myself say: “Oh well, it is what it is.” What am I doing – or not doing – when that little voice in my head screams: “Again??!!! You’re in this ^%$# situation again”?

And, as I listen for ‘rut-speak’, the somewhat stoic, fatalistic I can’t really do anything about it anyway attitude that will surely follow a bout of resignation, I hear: “It’s okay like this.” “It’s not that bad.” And then, for you Suzie Cream Cheeses out there (it takes one to know one) – the most telling phrase of all: “I’m FINE.” Fine is the ultimate F word!

Let your intuition be your guide. It will let you know when and where you need a change. It may even give you clues about what direction to take.

And, that’s when I notice, OUCH! in the area of romance… I need a NEW FOOD FRIDAY!

So, what do you think about NEW MAN MONDAY????