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I Don’t Procrastinate… My To-Do List Is Just Always Full

Few people who know me would list procrastination as one of my traits. I’m a doer. I know the value of starting and completing. I say what I’m going to do and I do it. I’m on the edge of neurotic about keeping things neat and clean, having my blogs done on time, paying my bills, sending out invoices, picking up the mail and having my toenails painted red. You certainly wouldn’t peg me as a likely candidate for procrastination coaching, but…

There’s that stuff that I ‘should’ do – and I will get to it, really. I know that I have to make it happen, eventually. I’ve been thinking about it. (Sometimes I even dream about it). It’s just not time yet. I’ll deal with it, promise. I’ll be glad when this is off my plate – wish it would just disappear. Someday I won’t even have to think about it any more! I will handle it, really. I know it’s important, but so is all this other stuff I’m doing. My to-do list is just full! And there’s just so much time in a day, you know. Give me time. I won’t forget. It’s on my mental list. I’ll take care of it soon.

And, ‘what if’? What if it’s even harder than I think it will be? What if I screw it up? What if it can’t be fixed? Will they find out I’m not ‘so much’? Will she be angry? Will he be hurt? Would they stop being my friends? What if it’s even more expensive than I imagined? What if the outcome is even worse than my nightmare? Maybe someone else will take care of it. Maybe it will go away if I ignore it.

Honestly, thinking about the crap I haven’t done – and ‘should’ or ‘must’ do – is exhausting. And you just got a close up view of the junk in the procrastination corner of my brain! Nasty self talk that serves only to keep me from doing what I know to do… and despising myself for not doing it.

All of those thoughts pop up… sometimes all at once; loud and irritating! If I really thought about it, I’d probably realize that goin’ all Nike on it (“just doin’ it”) would kill the voices and give me peace. What’s gonna forward me here? Putting ‘it’ off and avoiding whatever fear or pleasure is behind getting it done, or dealing with it and shutting up those damnable voices???

Eventually the voices are too loud, the issue festers and I move into action. Here’s what I find: It’s never as bad as I thought it could be. It’s always easier than I thought it would be. And it feels so great to have done it! So, I got my eyes checked, I changed the air filters, replaced the water filter, joined the gym and finished my book! Dang, that feels so amazing!

Come on… WHAT’s NEXT?

Patience Is Worth Waiting For…

I used to say that I could never work in a restaurant because “I’m a lousy ‘waiter’”. Sitting in a car or a ‘waiting room’, standing in line or out in the cold, holding the phone for an answer or holding my breath for a response all drove me to distraction. Perhaps worst for me was dealing with sloooooow people. I’ve always been quick. I still like quick. Talk to me and you get an immediate answer. Ask me to do something and, BAM! it’s done (or started, at the very least). And, human that I am, it was my belief that EVERYONE else on the planet should be like me. Problem was… they weren’t. Turns out there are people who like to think before they answer a question. There are people who, by choice or necessity, move slowly. And here was the shocker: Not everyone on the planet gives a rat’s patootie about my agenda, my schedule or me! Some people actually have their own issues, motivations and urgent needs… who knew?

My great Patience Transformation started with my son-in-law. He’s a ‘thinker’. There were times when I repeated myself – sure that he didn’t hear. Sometimes he flat out disagreed with what I said. There were times when he was slow to understand. What I learned was that to communicate with him – and I wanted to – I had to slow ME down, see things from his point of view and listen with patience (or blow off a relationship that meant a lot to me).

Then came the birth of my grandson. There is no way to spend time with any kidlet and not have your patience tested. Babies, toddlers and children can try the patience of anyone! But, being impatient with those who don’t do what you want – when you want it; are slow or picky eaters, have to go potty when it’s time to leave, scream and cry when they don’t want to leave, talk when you want quiet time and won’t stay in bed when it’s beddy bye time, is a natural, human reaction… not effective or helpful in any way, but certainly a human inclination. And so, another piece of my transformation began to fall into place. It was much easier, and a whole lot more fun, to cope with the little love of my life when I was serene and calm and unruffled. I like ‘easy’. And I love FUN! Sometimes you just have to laugh at the cosmic jokes. So, I taught myself to lean back into the cosmic humor of watching a child learn and grow.

And now I am the caregiver for my 92-year-old mother. She isn’t quick. She gets confused and forgetful and repeats herself. She hides things and then forgets where. When it’s time to leave the house she can’t find her purse. Sometimes I feel like screaming. I don’t. It wouldn’t help. It would only upset both of us, and hey, this is the woman who taught me how to use a potty (and I can’t even count how many times that’s come in handy)!

Patience Transformation complete!

Sure, I’ve had other ‘teachers’ (Verizon employees and the cashiers at Wal-Mart and Target come immediately to mind). I’ve been on the road with inconsiderate drivers and on airplanes with stinky seatmates, screaming infants and snoring neighbors. I’ve anxiously waited for test results, checks in the mail and cars to be repaired… and I do so patiently. Turns out it makes me happy.

Waiting, when you have a good attitude, isn’t all that hard. In fact, it can be effortless and even enjoyable. Okay, admittedly a quick visit to Face Book or Candy Crush has often played a part in my willingness to wait, but, hey, I’m a really great waiter!

Gotta Love The Foreplay

According to Webster’s, foreplay is an action or behavior preceding an ‘event’. Well, that’s cool. It means life is jammed packed with foreplay and who doesn’t love foreplay? Gotta love the foreplay! It’s exciting, stimulating, arousing and just plain FUN. I know that for me, what leads to the successful manifestation of my passion is thoughtful, committed, passion-filled foreplay. Yep, I’m definitely a fan.

Relax. Resume normal breathing. This is not a sexual blog – well not exactly. Getting ready IS foreplay – regardless of what you’re getting ready for… It’s what we do to embrace the anticipation, build trust and feel connection. It gets us ready for action. It’s a terrific way to find the ‘sweet spot’ in your business, your relationships… in your life.

Today I had a manicure. Now Johnny (he’s my manicure guy) couldn’t very well just grab my hands and file away. First came the foreplay. Would I like water? (Oh, yes, please.) A pillow for behind my back? (That would be great, thanks.) No cell phone in your ear today, Sandye. (Nope, it’s all about you, me and the nails, Johnny.) French manicure? (But of course. You know I love a French manicure.) And I was ‘ready’… so was he.

After my manicure I headed over for an appointment with my eye doctor. I was nervous and that may have been evident – judging by the degree of foreplay that I was exposed to… “Oh, I see you’re back to see Dr. Manning, Sandye. She’s such a good doctor.” (Ah, build that trust.) “Would you like a cup of coffee and a cookie while you wait? Make yourself comfortable and let me know if you need anything.” (Let me know that you care about me. Make me like you…)

Feeling far more relaxed, and a little less pissed that my eye ‘issue’ was not an issue at the moment, the foreplay of good client service had prepped me for a great client experience. A little foreplay goes a long way!

Take note, getting in the mood and getting others in the moo, is vital to creating that all-important feeling of connection and lubricating the path, ah, getting down to business. Oh, you know what I mean…

When I want to super-infuse a project with excitement – and a much greater likelihood of success, I exercise discipline and restraint. Instead of just jumping in, I plan it out, fully prepare before I begin. Foreplay requires discipline, and it’s sooo worth it!

THE CHICKEN HAD A GOOD IDEA!

When I have what I consider to be a really good idea – I mean a really good idea, I create a plan and jump into action. Sometimes this results in ‘a really good idea that didn’t quite work out to be what I envisioned’. My short foray into the world of Yardles (surprise decorating of front yards for all occasions) is still high on my list of really clever ideas that never made it big. Other times the results have been simply off the charts. When I was barely thirty I created a business writing gag lines on latex balloons; decorating with them and delivering them in bouquets. An article featuring ME in Time Magazine and guest appearances on crazy numbers of radio and TV shows attest to the success of that idea. It supported my family for over 30 years!

So what, I’ve asked myself, what made one idea fail and the other blossom into an internationally known 7-figure company? Same creator, generally appealing to the same audience… what was different? Me, I realized. It was me and my attitude toward the project. When people didn’t immediately rush to order a Yardle, I questioned the feasibility of my idea. When one was ordered that had to be done between 4 am and 5 am, the job was turned down. Yardles was a ‘good idea’. Balloon Affair was a commitment.

This gal does not offer up the words “I’m committed” flippantly. When I do commit to anything (a project, person, idea, task or bacon ‘n eggs breakfast) you can count on me – like death, taxes and Trump’s comb-over. I will do it. I will make it happen. NO MATTER WHAT.

No Reasons – Just Results! That’s how the balloon biz grew. I believed in it and I worked it. There was simply no quitting… even when people laughed at the idea of building a business with rubber balloons… even when ‘head’quarters was in my girlfriend’s guest bathroom… even when I carelessly opened the trunk of my car and lost 100 balloons to the wild blue yonder! Stuff happens, right? And when you are committed you just keep moving forward. NO MATTER WHAT.

Commitment meant working every holiday from dawn to exhaustion… because I said so. Commitment meant sticking with it when I was the only worker who didn’t get paid that week.

Commitment meant cutting myself off from any possibility outside of achieving my results.

Commitment meant EXPECTING it to all work – knowing down deep inside that I would not -could not fail. I was 100% dedicated to my company… ask my children who almost never saw their mom on weekends unless they were with her being ‘ballonatics’!

It seems silly to say 100% dedicated. Saying that you can be anything but 100% committed is like saying you’re just a ‘little’ pregnant… Either you are, or you’re not – all in or all out.

MISS-Communication and the MR-y of Conversation

If you have time, I’d love you to try and come over for dinner tonight.” That’s what I said to him on the phone. He seemed a little distracted, maybe watching a game on TV while he offhandedly said, “Sure.” So I made a lovely dinner of roast chicken and potatoes (his favorite)… and he never showed! He didn’t call and he didn’t show. I was furious.

I called him the next morning – still fuming. “I sat here until the dinner got cold, waiting for you to show,” I wailed. “Whaaat? You said to try – if I had time. I went bowling with a couple of the guys and by the time we finished it was after 9 so I went home.”

It wasn’t my first miscommunication (and it is not likely to be my last). Similar incidents are happening all over the world right now… as I type. They are happening in homes, at work, on the ski slopes and at restaurants. What is said isn’t ‘exactly’ what you meant’ and what is heard isn’t ‘exactly’ what you meant.

There’s communication and there’s ‘effective’ communication. Effective communication is simple and direct and requires, among other things, a shared understanding. Ooops, missed that!

If I had been more direct and clear the conversation could have been more like this (and we’d both be happier):

“I’m making roast chicken tonight. It’s your favorite and I want to share it with you. Can you be here at 7 for dinner tonight?”

“Sure. I’m going bowling with the guys and I’ll make sure to leave by 6:45.”

“Great, so you’ll be here at 7 for dinner?”

“You bet. I can taste it already!”

I didn’t want to sound pushy so I gave him a couple of false cues… “if you have time” and “try”. I didn’t mean either one, but I expected him to get the underlying meaning. And, although I wanted to know that he was definitely joining me, I never got any strong assurance – in fact I remember thinking that he wasn’t ‘really’ listening at all. He, on the other hand, focused on the conditional components of my conversation and felt no guilt about not showing up. We both felt misunderstood and wronged.

And so it goes, when you don’t say what you mean and mean what you say… when you don’t ‘check in’ to make sure that your message was heard and understood as you intended.

IT’S THE LITTLE THINGS

An old friend calls – you haven’t spoken in a while – and then… that age-old question: “So, what’s new?” Of course they want to hear the good stuff and we want to tell. We’re quick to acknowledge our big wins and changes; like a promotion, or a new client or job, a new home or car, a child who graduates, gets married or finds a job. I suppose it’s only natural to start with the BIG ones, but what if there are no big ones?

A friend from my past called me yesterday. After we exchanged the preliminary greetings, determined that we were both in good health and that things were generally ‘fine’, I asked, “What’s new and exciting in your life”? (a slight tweak to that ‘age-old’ question.) Apparently the word ‘exciting’ was the conversation stopper. It was very quiet on his end. Then, slowly and quietly – almost ashamedly, he said, “Nothing, really. Nothing. Everything’s about the same.” As if ‘the same’ was a bad thing. As if things had to be different in order to be exciting. As if life couldn’t be considered exciting if the ‘wins’ were small and life wasn’t full of big changes. Hmmm

RE-FRAME time (think political spin doctor twisting problems into wins). So, to punctuate the magnificent of the sameness of his life, I started asking questions. “How are those adorable grandkids of yours?” Turns out they are still the light of his life and you could hear him smile as he told me about the little things they’d said and done that brought him such joy. We moved from there to, “Been to the park with Tasha (his dog) lately?” Tasha is still romping like a puppy, living, loving and licking! Gotta say there was love in his voice. “And what about that vegetable garden? You keeping up with that?” The harvest had been bountiful and some of it was on the Thanksgiving table! From there he opened up and the mundane began to shine as magnificent. The sun, he told me, was shining and warm (even though it was 38 degrees outside), the snow melted off his walk so he didn’t have to shovel – though happily he bragged that he still could. I remembered that old blue letterman’s jacket of his and he laughed with pure glee when he told me that he pulled it out of a box in the garage and wore it last week. It was tight, but he closed it and reveled in the memories. “Read any good books lately?” I asked. He just finished reading Ready Player One and loved it. I read it too and felt the same. “Spielberg is making it into a movie,” I told him, and we excitedly made plans to go see it together.

We talked for a glorious 56 minutes last night. My new car was kinda boring compared to the story about dropping my cell phone in the toilet! It truly was the little things – and there were sooo many of them – that were exciting and funny and worthy of sharing. Yup, those little things made our conversation very BIG indeed.

Moderate Overindulgence: No Shame No Guilt No Harm No Foul

overindulgence

noun: the action or fact of having too much of something enjoyable

Okay, folks, we are now smack dab in the middle of prime O time! That’s O for overindulgence, the holiday horror. We overdo everything in the name of good cheer. Moderation and good sense are tossed out with the turkey bones and used wrapping paper. Where’d we ever get the idea that the time between Thanksgiving and New Year’s Day gives any of us a license to over eat, over drink, over party, over shop, over buy, over gift, over book or over stress? Look, it’s not just two big dinners and long night of consuming adult beverages… It’s a month and a half of opportunities to make bad choices. Some of us refer to this time as our perfectly acceptable and allowable “cheat days”. The problem is that once we allow ourselves to take a major fall off the wagon, we suffer remorse, beat ourselves up for totally ‘blowing it’ and make New Years resolutions (which are seldom kept) to be better in the future (i.e. eat better, exercise more, spend less, learn to say no). And, more often than not, we repeat this ‘binge and purge’ cycle over and over, suffering the shame and guilt that results from breaking all of our rules. Sound familiar?

Step one is to stop calling it ‘cheating’. Let go of that mindset of dishonesty and deceit. You are NOT cheating. It’s holiday time and your holiday way is different than everyday! Give yourself permission to be joyful and indulgent. You are celebrating… so why not call them Celebration Days?

celebrate

verb: publicly acknowledge a significant or happy day with a social gathering or enjoyable activity

Now define celebration day – what it is and is not. A celebration day is a day to revel, carouse, whoop it up and have fun. It’s all about feeling good and feeling joyful. It isn’t an excuse to break every rule you have and then feel guilty and bad. Nor is it a time to eat everything in sight just because it’s there in front of you and you can… drink to point of drunken stupor… or spend the rent money on gifts and party clothes.

The holidays are about love, spirit and the genuine enjoyment of whom you’re with and what you’re doing. Of course you should celebrate by indulging in your favorite things to eat, drink and do. Of course you should shop, buy, wrap and distribute gifts to the special people in your life. Naturally, you should go to parties and dinners, dress up

The thing to recognize, however, is the dividing line between indulgence and overindulgence. When you learn where that line is… JOB DONE! You’re ready to go out into the world and CELEBRATE! Do… don’t over-do!

To help you keep your overdo-it syndrome in line, here are a few tips to help you ring in the New Year feeling GREAT – especially about yourself.

Regarding over-eating:

Skip every other bite (just kidding). Taste a bite (REALLY taste it) of anything you want. You don’t have to eat the whole thing! Relax, you do not have to be the food police. If ya wanna taste, have a taste!
Drink a lot of water before eating and drinking. This will fill you up – and besides, we tend to think we are hungry when actually we’re thirsty. Drinking water before you start in on those adult beverages is a great way to slow down your intake.
Don’t skip meals to save up calories for holiday parties. It can actually cause you to eat more.

Regarding Money:

Create a budget for gifts, new clothes, postage, whatever categories you’ll be facing.
Stick to the budget!

Regarding Socializing, Holiday Tasks and Life:

Make a schedule that feels comfortable to you – without overbooking, and ample time allotted for each thing you want to do. Seriously WRITE IT DOWN. It works.
Follow your schedule!

Trite and true: Everything in moderation. Pace yourself.

Wrap Yourself Up and Be PRESENT!

Holidays can be difficult times – for such varied reasons. We each have our own list of who we don’t really like seeing, what we don’t really like doing, where we don’t really like going and why we should forget it all this year and skip the holidays completely. Yes, it is supposed to be a time of joy… sharing, giving and loving. Why then, for so many of us, does it often end up being a dreaded time of year; a disappointment, or worse yet, exactly as bad as we expected it to be?

Why? Well, from a sociological standpoint, we have so many “fabulous reasons” to embrace. Thanks to a variety of alternative lifestyles, today’s families are generally “broken” or “mixed” to begin with… It’s not unusual to celebrate the holidays with “family” you just met or hardly know. By virtue of birth, death, marriage, divorce and remarriage the landscape of familyland as it used to be, has been devastated. Now, add in an abundance of alternative life styles and hey, is it any wonder that hanging out with the family is a little tense and stressful?

And then there’s what we bring to the party… We show up for the holidays with lots of presents… (get ready for a very cool PUN) and a whole lotta PAST! If there’s any time that we humans carry the past in our pockets, it’s holiday time. I know that I personally have total (and often totally inaccurate) recall about what it used to be like; those OLD familiar smells and sounds, the songs and traditions; the games we played, the inside jokes, all that warm fuzzy stuff that just gets better as the memories get older. And, oh yeah, I remember all that “other” stuff, too. “THEY” were always at least an hour late, he was always so loud and so rude to everyone, she always wore waaay too much cheap perfume, they never listened – just talked, she never helped clear the table…

Every December – for as far back as I can recall – I have watched my favorite holiday movie, Miracle on 34th Street. I lose it every time little Susan Walker (played by Natalie Wood) finds Santa’s cane next to the fireplace. Seriously, I’ve seen this movie at least 50 times and every time… I cry. I remember watching it with my family when I was a child and, later, with my own children. It’s a magical, feel good movie. Based on this movie, I have an expectation that the holidays will bring miracles. Just like in the movie, I assume that there will be bad guys, problems and upsets… followed by miracles.

Based on the past, most of us expect everyone and everything to be “just like it’s always been”. Cousin Mark and his family will be late. The Cramer clan will be early. Aunt Ruth will pinch your cheeks and call you Cupcake. Uncle Frank will eat too much and fall asleep right after dinner. Great Auntie Linda will give you pajamas. The twins will fight over their presents and Grandpa will get indigestion from overeating.

I am an adult… until I get around my brothers. At that point we revert to thinking and acting like the children we were. We play, giggle, pull pranks, get loud and get physical. Is it any wonder that I am treated, as if I was still ten or eleven years old? Oops, what happened to the holiday “present”?

So that’s what we bring to the party… We show up for the holidays with lots of presents… and a whole lotta PAST! If there’s any time that we humans carry the past in our pockets, it’s holiday time. Empty your pockets… and get PRESENT!

WHEN THE TOILET CLAIMS YOUR CELL PHONE: A PUBLIC SERVICE BLOG

It was an accident, of course. It always is. Now I am a statistic: According to Google, 39% of cell phone owners take their phones into the bathroom. 19% of cell phone users drop them into the watery grave that is the toilet. Guess that means if you take your phone anywhere near the toilet you have a 50 – 50 chance of losing it. It’s a good idea to know what to do if that should happen. I had no idea. So I guessed… and I guessed as wrong as possible.

Of course I grabbed it right away (remembering the 5 second rule when food falls on the ground) and dried it off. Then I pressed every button it on. Funny lines and dark spots. So I tried using the hair dryer. Then I tried turning it on again. Finally I googled “What to do when your cell falls in the toilet”. Oops, too late. I did pretty much everything on the DO NOT DO THIS list.

Remove it from the water as quickly as possible. CHECK (Apparently that was the ONLY thing I did correctly.)
Turn off phone immediately. (Off? Dang it, I kept trying to turn it ON!)
Remove battery cover and battery and lay them and the phone on soft towel. (Where’s the battery?)
Remove the SIM card. (The WHAT????)
Gently wipe off as much water as possible. Avoid shaking or moving phone. (Oops!)
Assuming you got the battery out in time clean the inside of the phone with rubbing alcohol. (Sure, I keep gallons of that in the fridge!)
A vacuum cleaner can be used to suck out water but NEVER use a hair dryer – even on the cool setting. (Great, NOW I hear this!)
Put the phone into an airtight bag – a zip lock will work – completely covered with uncooked rice, rice krispies or those little silica packets (which I will NEVER throw away again). A fb friend suggested the pocket of a fleecy works, too. Keep the phone there for at least 24 hours… rotating the phone every hour or so. Apparently you do not have to set your alarm to do this throughout the night, but… how much do you love your phone???
After 24 to 48 hours test your phone. See if it will power up.

For over 48 hours I was phoneless. Okay, I do have a landline but I’d never used it. It was so cumbersome and I couldn’t take it into the car. No car phone???? Ridiculous. But wait, it gets worse. No Pandora when I went for my run. I didn’t know the date or the time or the temperature. I couldn’t take a picture. Sure, I had a landline but I didn’t know a single phone number (including the number to my land line!) I was unconnected… cut off… alone in my misery. It was a horrifying experience and I may be permanently scarred.

And then, it was time to ‘de-rice’. Drum roll please… even with all the mistakes I made, I took my beloved iPhone out of the rice and BAM! She rose to the occasion and powered right up, turned on and I swear she smiled at me. Woo Hoo! I called everyone I knew and talked for two hours straight!

But, almost as magically as, like the phoenix, she had risen from the ashes (Okay, it wasn’t ashes, it was rice – whatever.) she ran out of power and died… tragic death… she was so young.

The sadness was overwhelming, yet I will never forget the joy I felt when she first fired back up. Did the happy dance, f’sure! And, when she died a few hours later, I remember feeling glad and even lucky that I’d had those last few hours with my phone… WHAAAAT? It’s a PHONE, Sandye! Oh, yeh, right… it’s just a phone. #just.a.phone

Who Needs A Coach?

So often someone else can see what you we don’t. Sometimes we can’t… sometimes we just don’t want to see. Either way, getting another point of view – seeing ourselves through the eyes of someone we trust – can be just what we need to get ‘unstuck’ or to get that extra push in the direction of our dreams.

When life is unfulfilling or goals are not being met, when we don’t know where to turn or what to do next… or when life is good but that nagging feeling reminds us that it’s not ‘all it could be’, it’s time to find a coach. Sometimes there’s a specific urgent problem to tackle and we’re in overwhelm. Other times we know we’re on the right track but we want to accelerate the game. And, of course, there are those times when we realize that we simply don’t know HOW to do what we know needs to be done!

When I coach I listen first… Where are you NOW? Where do you want to BE? What results are you aiming for and… do you have a plan? It starts with a dream, an idea, a passion. Your coach works with you to identify and SPEAK it! Then comes the strategic planning – the big picture and then the specific steps to achieve the desired results. Now you have a plan. Time to implement. Your coach (assuming you’ve chosen wisely) is as invested in your success as you are. To that end, she or he now becomes your accountability coach. You have steps to follow and your coach will remind you that when you do what you said you would do, you get the results you said you wanted. Yes, sometimes re-working the steps is necessary, and your coach is right there to do that with you.

And then there’s that ‘thing’ we call mindset. When you get stuck or blocked or frustrated or overwhelmed (and we all do now and then), your coach works the mindset magic and you get clarity and focus.

Can you save the money and do all of the planning, create the specific steps, implement them, hold yourself accountable and clear away the muck for yourself? Without investing in a coach? SURE you can… but, will you be able to do it all on your own? Do you really want to? Or, would you rather ease the pressure, invest in yourself and take an easier, faster route to success?

I choose having a coach… and I AM A COACH. My coach sees what I miss – that stuff that’s so deeply ingrained in who I am; my old patterns and beliefs– and literally ‘coaches’ me over the hurdles. And that, my friends, is both so totally awesome and WHY I do what I do. I AM A COACH And… I HAVE A COACH and I’m glad. Everyone needs a coach!