awareness

It’s RAINING resources… Find ‘em and REIGN in yours!

There is always so much around us – all the time – stuff that begs to be discovered and used by us…. And, so often, we simply don’t see it; or if we ‘see’ it we don’t realize that it’s ours for the taking. There are opportunities we miss, experiences we avoid, people we don’t engage with and ‘no’s’ that stop us – instead of inspiring us. What if it’s true that everything we ‘need’ is right here – right now? What if you actually saw your world that way? What if you stopped ‘seeking’ stuff and let the ‘finder’ in you take charge? What if your awareness was so BIG and so broad that you recognized the resources around you and used them? Are you smiling yet?

Years ago, when I worked and coached at a wonderful company called Process Prodigy, my focus was on creating systems to make our clients’ lives easier and their businesses more profitable. The systems were the proverbial ‘giving them the fish to eat for a day’. But of even more value was teaching them to recognize and reign in resources that they didn’t even know they had. Now they could “eat for a lifetime”!

Our clients learned how to delegate when there was seemingly no one to delegate to, to use systems to get more done in less time, and generally how to create a better life and build a more profitable business using whatever was available! First, of course, though I’m not sure that I realized it at the time, people had to learn to “see” and identify the resources around them.

And it was that ‘history’ of mine that led me to this blog… to identify the ‘steps’ I’ve used to become aware of the amazing resources I have. Now it’s time to share some of them with you!

As usual, the first step is AWARENESS. I expect to find resources, so I’m constantly looking for them, open to them and noticing possibilities and opportunities at every turn of my head. It might be a penny on the street (walked on and over by countless others), a for-sale sign, or a new acquaintance that ‘knows somebody who knows somebody’; all are potential resources. All are on my radar.
Although I hesitate to use the term ‘think outside the box’, it is what I do. I take little at ‘face value’ and ponder (there’s a word we don’t use very often) what else could that be used for or what else could that mean?
It’s formulate the questions time! I know that my brain, my always busy mind, is my GREATEST RESOURCE so I use it – I ‘google’ it – with a barrage of open ended, positively formed questions and wait for the answers to start flowing. They always do…
I love the California lottery slogan, “you can’t win if you don’t play”… so I play! Commonly heard from my lips: “Let’s give it a shot! Let’s make it happen! Sounds good to me! I’m IN! Let’s do this thing!”
ASK!!! I don’t hesitate to ask – anyone… anything! I ask for help. I ask for suggestions. I ask for what I want. I ask for what I need. It’s amazing how supportive Universe and its inhabitants can be! Asking gets me so much! might be the perfect parking spot or (and I swear this really happened) a huge discount on a new car…sometimes it’s a new client, much needed information or a date. It’s even gotten me the mentor of my dreams!
NO isn’t the end. It is not a stop sign for me. I see a “NO” simply as an opportunity to get creative and try something else. There is no failure for me. When something doesn’t ‘work’ I get inspired and fired up. There’s always another way…
I VALUE the resources I have and I’m GRATEFUL for them all. It’s not unusual to hear me thank my car (who’s name, by the way, is ‘Coach’) for getting me safely and comfortably from place to place. The people in my life are amazing. I know it and I let them know it, too. Even when I am feeling ‘technologically challenged’ there is gratitude for all that technology affords me.

Money, time, people, ideas, tools; all the resources I have… I am grateful and humbled by their magnitude and magnificence!

Want more? Are you ready to create your own system for reigning in your multitude of resources? That’s the topic this week on Motivate and Activate, your source (make that RESOURCE) for weekly Coaching and Conversation. (More info and registration details at: https://whatdoisaywhatdoido.com)

RESISTING RESISTANCE – PART 2

When I recently declared that I was on a journey to ‘understand and conquer’ my resistance in life, I had no idea that I’d be ‘traveling’ with such a huge tribe! It turns out that resistance is a big deal – especially in the world of psychology – and no one among us is untouched by it. Who knew?

Now, half dozen books and 20 or 30 articles later, I realize that resistance is not only normal; it’s a basic survival defense mechanism. I don’t do what I don’t do because somewhere deep inside me (i.e., subconsciously) I’m afraid that if I did do whatever it is, it would actually hurt me. So I protect me. Thank you, Me.

We resist in order to protect ourselves… from DANGER, PAIN, DISAPPOINTMENT, DISILLUSIONMENT and hundreds of other equally awful things. Here’s the rub: that place ‘deep inside’ – the place where fear is hangin’ out – may not have our current best interests at heart! What we feared in the past may not be an issue anymore. Personally, I’m over that whole ‘thing’ I had in 6^th grade about girls who had waists smaller than their hips and thighs that didn’t rub together being ho- bags! I’m pretty sure that I could lose weight, look phenomenal and still be a ‘nice girl’. Adult me has moved on…

I’m ready to ‘join the resistance’ against resistance! Who’s in? Great! But I do want to issue a few warnings… This is an inner game. It’s a mind game and the battlefield of Resistance vs. Action is almost entirely within us. Unfortunately, because often we’re not very good at recognizing resistance for what it is… and not too hot at combating it, we have a tendency to resort to stepping up our external game to win the war. Instead of using our inner strengths; motivation, our ability to think and reason, gratitude and appreciation, we work on our external tools (As if that would make any difference.)

Silly us, we think we can beat resistance by organizing our desk, writing down our tasks, designing new and better systems (tweaking them until they’re nearly perfect), buying a better elliptical machine and so on. So we have a better mousetrap and we still can’t catch a mouse! It’s not that those things don’t matter, it’s that they don’t matter in the ‘war against resistance’.

Admittedly my battle plan is still a work in progress, but so far I’m seeing some very positive results. I can’t be ‘ambushed’ because I am now aware (step one) that I’m being attacked on at least three ‘fronts’: the gym, online dating and self-promotion. Those are my big three and I now recognize resistance when it shows up.

I’m standing up to the fears I can now identify and I’m not backing down! I structure my day to include confronting and coming to terms with my fears. I’m shifting from victim to hero in my very own story!

“On the field of the Self stand a knowing and a dragon. You are the knight. Resistance is the dragon.”
— Steven Pressfield

Finding JOY in My Demons

I’m on a Journey to Joy (depression begone!), and I had an ‘aha’ today. It’s time for me to make friends with my demons. Not like jump ship on my joyful self, rather to include all of me in ME. I like being the happy, skippy, jumpy Sandye; the one who always finds the pony in the poop. I’ve been ‘Susie Sunshine’ for so long that it’s become my identity… but, based on the way I’ve been feeling, there’s more to me than that. I see now that as I scoop the poop, looking for the pony, I’ve been inadvertently burying my demons.

I always say that step one is awareness. Well, I’m there. I admit it, I have a dark side and I can no longer pretend it’s not part of me. Sometimes I’m not nice – or thoughtful or even loving. Sometimes I’m scared (and scared of being scared). In the past I treated insecurity, fear – and even anger – as an unwelcome invasion from an outside source. Now I get it. It’s part of me. And then the big question pops up: What if it’s a necessary part of me? Isn’t ignoring it being inauthentic (something I don’t want to be)?

Burying my demons (aka my fears, insecurities and dark side) only puts them out of sight, it doesn’t eliminate them. Eventually they always seem to dig their way out to terrorize me again. So I had this thought… What if I got to know them? What if I invited them out into the open? Would I find them less ‘fearsome”? Time to ‘google’ my mind and ask myself some positive, open-ended questions. What is possible if I actually embrace all of me? How can I use my demons to be the best me possible? How can I use my demons to increase my joy? Where do I start…?

As expected, reaching out for universal answers is literally deluging me with amazing (and somewhat unexpected) results! And, it’s happening at such a rapid rate that I’m feeling a bit overwhelmed right now!

Sharing my Journey to Joy with you is a powerful step in accepting who I am… in finally owning my humanity – the good, the bad, the ugly and the magnificent. If it’s true that ‘fear of falling’ has us fall (and I do believe that it does), then it follows that knowing that I could fall, but not fearing it – just being prepared for it if it does happen – is likely to keep me upright. And, if I do fall, it’s just a fall. It doesn’t have to ‘mean’ anything about me. Hmmm, that’s comforting.

So I have this dark side. I don’t have to live there (or live in fear of living there), I don’t even have to go there (except maybe to check-in occasionally and water the plants), and if I do, I can always leave when I want to…

And, besides, I have a VERY bright ‘lite side’… I think I’ll hang out there!

When WINNING = LOSING…

I’m a winner. And I do like winning. There’s something about setting out to accomplish an objective and making it happen. The adrenaline rush – particularly when the goal is one that scares me at least a little – is awesome. And, of course, there’s nothing that breeds success like success. When you win it simply increases the chance that you’ll win again, right? When I accomplish a goal – when I have a ‘win’, my confidence and self-esteem take a ride on the happy train! “I think I can” and I did!

Case in point was the Turkey Trot this past Thanksgiving morning. 10k! I did it without stopping. At no point did I give in to that persistent yakky voice in my head that kept shouting, “Turn around now, no one will know”! I’m 66. I ran a 10k… and I lived to tell about it.

There are so many games in my life where I am a (sometimes ‘self-declared’) winner. One in particular where winning doesn’t make me happy. Why not? Simple… in that arena, winning is not gonna be a good thing for me. It seems that I have been the team captain for Extreme Self-Sabotage and my team is a winning machine.

SELF-SABOTAGE is not a sport that anyone can actually win. It’s not even about the competition. There is none. When I play, I’m it. I’m the competition. It’s all about me setting out to subversively undermine all that is possible – all that I can be~do~have. Being successful at self-sabotage (listening to that negative, malevolent, naysaying voice in my head) pretty much guarantees that I’ll ‘win’… which then absolutely guarantees that, finally, I lose.

We’ve all heard that “the only thing between you and everything you’ve ever wanted is YOU”. And, most of us believe that, but you may be like me… and not been able to see where or how you were in your own way. How many times have I said, “ Awareness is always the first step”? Many times, Sandye. Yup… many times and it’s definitely true in this case.

I say I want to be healthy and fit. I profess love and appreciate for this little body that has served me so well for so long… and then I silently screw it all up. Note: Of course I could blame my parents – we all could – we have history and stories and explanations for where our stories about ourselves came from, and, while that info might be very interesting, it’s the PAST and we’re not there any more! Instead of being the victim of my history, I am choosing to be the result of it… with the ability to use it; to be~do~have a life not just worth living, but also worth celebrating! And it started last week… when I realized that another year of my life was beginning and I wanted it to be the best yet.

So, I asked myself, WTF? What am I doing to sabotage myself? And then I discovered: Sometimes it’s what I do. Sometimes it’s what I don’t do. Our behavior becomes self-sabotaging when we attempt to solve or cope with a problem (that we may not even be able to precisely identify), and in the process, we instigate new problems. Like, with the body thing… I lost my glasses about 9 years ago and never bothered to get new ones. I run almost every day but I stopped working out – which I know is what keeps me fit and keeps the extra pounds off. I quit smoking 6 years ago… and have started and stopped 3 times since then. There are days when the only water I drink is when I brush my teeth. Sometimes I run and then come home to bake and eat cookies… ‘cuz I ‘earned’ them. Really, Sandye????

Self-sabotage is a complex, invasive, insidious process, which feeds on our deepest fears and leads us to mutiny; having us rebel and revolt against our more positive thoughts and impulses. Sure, we all make mistakes, but a true self-saboteur keeps fixing those mistakes by top-loading them with increasingly bad decisions.

Okay, I’m starting with my body. I have an appointment with an eye doctor next week. I joined a gym. When that voice pops up and tells me I don’t have to work out ‘today’ or You’re upset. It’s okay to have a cigarette when you’re upset’. I will simply reply: